Weed Management

I had never given weeds a second thought before moving to Montana. In the landscape/garden center business, weeds were an inconvenience in a lawn or flower bed that needed eradicating. Simple enough. As county agent in Montana, as soon as the snow melts, weeds take center stage in my work. Phone calls asking how to control them, office visits to identify them, farm calls to help educate on over grazing and hay inspections to insure that weeds do not get into the wilderness areas we cherish. Invasive species threaten to make grazing impossible for livestock, clog the waterways and overtake native vegetation.

As I walk Aries each evening along our dirt road, I have decided to take on the weeds that are doing their best to encroach into our territory. I removed the flowers from the houndstongue a week or so ago. These attractive blossoms will mature into the cockleburs that stick to clothes, dogs and deer in an effort to proliferate across the region. Yesterday, I started on the thistle. Along the shoulder are both bull-thistle and the Canadian thistle. I used my long handled loppers to reach past their thorny protection to cut them off at the base. Each flower will produce thousands of seeds if not eliminated. I was feeling a sense of accomplishment until I came to an enormous patch on a hillside below an old garage. Thistles in all sizes and stages poked up through the long grass. I started at the base of the hill and hacked away at each enemy one at a time. The feeling of futility began descending over me as I reviewed my progress. That is when I thought of what I recommend to all my clients. "Think in terms of a weed management plan." It may take years to actually eliminate all the weeds. It takes time and perseverance, patience and commitment. It is a process. There is no "silver bullet." The seed bank for some of these weeds may stay viable for 20 years. Just when you think you have them licked, a stalk appears to your dismay. "Stay with it." Do the best you can a little at a time.

I changed my strategy for that patch. I set my attention on taking out the largest plants that were closest to blossoming. I will remain vigilant of that area. I will take out each successive generation as it pokes up through the grass. It is a process.

This awareness brought me back to a situation I am dealing currently with in my life. I am always looking to know myself on a deeper and deeper level. A book was suggested to me that I read last week. I saw things about me that rocked my sense of Self. I will delve into the particulars in a future post but in brief a quality that I had been raised to value, I realized was actually detrimental to my relationships. Helping too much, working too hard and self sacrificing can be damaging to true intimacy. What is ironic, is that these traits were applauded in my family and were a a major building block of my identity. When I considered who I was in the world without these actions, I had no idea. I had to start all over and allow new understandings to enter my consciousness. This path of self discovery is a process. As I ask the Universe for more awareness and more insight, it is shown to me. It is not always pleasant. Growing pains can hurt sometimes. There is no silver bullet. There is no instant enlightenment. I am accepting that I will always be watchful of weeds that poke up in my meadow. I have a seed bank of over 50 years that is sure to germinate when the time is right. I will stay mindful and accept them with gratitude as the means to go even deeper into my self exploration. I may never completely eradicate all the weeds but I have a management plan.

Head Shy

Yesterday when I was out to see my horse, she did not come when called. That will not do. “What? Lakota, you know better than that!” Within 3 minutes I had her obediently walking next to me and coming when called. She just forgot who was alpha for a minute. Anyway, I was picking up some baling twine on the ground near her and as I lifted it quickly, she jumped. I realized she thought I was going to hit her. I have owned her almost 3 years and have never smacked her. I have been working on healing the damage that someone did while “training” her, in her past. I make her obey me without striking her.


People can be a little head shy. Head shy, for non-horse people, is a term for the behavior a horse exhibits when they are trying to protect themselves. A horse may duck or run or rise up and strike, anything to keep us from getting near their head. This behavior comes from a past experience. Someone may have previously grabbed and twisted the horse’s ear or hit them in the head. It could occurred yesterday or 10 years ago. It doesn’t matter to the horse. The fear is the same. This behavior is dangerous to both the rider and the horse if left uncorrected. The horse could hurt the rider while putting on the bridle, could totally flip out on a trail ride if their head gets caught in some branches or could panic in a trailer if their halter gets stuck on the frame.


What do we do in a new relationship when we have been mishandled in the past? We may try and protect ourselves. We don’t know how this new person is going to react to things. We watch for signs. We proceed cautiously. We might duck or guard ourself a little more than we need to, at the beginning, but then trust evolves. We calm down. We relax and stretch our minds and words. Time. Consistency.

We should remember to be kind to ourselves and our new partner. I try to talk to myself the way I would to a best friend. I say, “Hey, you got bumped around and you want to be careful. It’s ok. It’s understandable. He has his memories, too.” If your mate is jumpy, let him have time and your compassion. Don’t get mad. Does it help our horse to get angry or demanding when she is scared? No. We have to get the horse past the fear in order to have a good relationship; it comes with creating confidence and trust. Communicate with your partner. Find out what is behind the apprehension. We can’t do that with our horses - that is ask them. It wouldn’t matter anyway. We have to show them what kind of trainer we are with our actions. We have to demonstrate our intention.
I think exhibiting our intentions is actually a perfect way to start a new relationship. Words come easy. Actions don’t. You can try and convince your new person that you are nothing like they  have experienced in their past. Only when you follow through and be the person you say you are, over time, will trust spring forth. Actions build a strong foundation. Be honest. Be caring. Be romantic. Be loyal. Be what you say you are.

Lakota still ducked after three years. It’s going to happen. I may shy if someone raises their voice at me. We are products of the experiences we have had. Life is our choices. Hopefully, each time we make a choice we choose wisely. If not, we learn from it and we choose again. Our horse can learn to conquer their fears, so can we.

Dating profiles

I took a leap of faith and joined an on-line dating service for three months. Twenty four matches a day is quite a lot of reading material. Admittedly, I was never able to keep up and read them all. In the first month, I thought it was amusing to look at all the profiles and pick out the misspellings, the lack of grammar, the ridiculous photographs and the hilarious code names. I was and am considering starting up a business to help men create a compelling story for their site.


The second month, I stopped finding humor in the profiles and began seeing something underneath the verbiage. I had also conversed with a few people by email. Now I am a couple weeks away from the end of my membership and have a gained a profound awareness. It goes way beyond the spiritual phrase, “We are all One.”

I feel the longing and loneliness in the profiles. I can sense the separateness and distance we feel from each other. We, as humans, share the same desires. Each one of us wants to find a person to acknowledge us, to validate our emotions, to support our decisions and to respect our uniqueness. We yearn for physical touch, the intimacy of holding hands, snuggling in bed and sexual fulfillment. Each of us wishes for a warm welcome when we return home. We fill our lives with hobbies and pets, work and social gatherings. We do these things, while holding onto the dream that someone special is out there for us.

What are we doing to make that person welcome in our life? What if we really met that individual today? We know, or think we know, what we are looking for. Are we actually able to be all that for another person? We want someone who will support us if we are sick, or lose our job, or have a family crisis – someone we can trust and depend on. Are we that person? We want someone who is loyal and honest. Do we walk our truth? We are looking for someone who tends to our sexual needs and requests. Are we willing to do that for our lover? We want someone to smile and kiss us when we walk in the door. Will we do that? We are searching for someone that will appreciate all our quirkiness, the unusual ways we have of expressing ourselves and our different habits. Are we able to stop judging our partner and give that in return?

Understanding that we have the same underlying needs may help us look at another person with new vision. Have you taken the time to learn how to give what another needs and not what makes you happy? Have you taken the time to acknowledge that your partner is not going to complete you but will expand you? Are you willing to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone?

Relationships are about experiencing who we really are. We can tell ourselves certain things and write them on our profile – for example – I am generous; I am trustworthy; I am romantic. Would our last partner say that? Were we loyal and honest? No saying, “Well, I would have been except…or I was honest until… it got too difficult.” We are only lying to ourselves here. Relationships give us the opportunity to be all that we can be. They are like a meter to measurement of our lives. Am I really generous or only if I get something in exchange? Am I able to love unconditionally or do I love only if the person matches my expectations?

After all this examination of on-line dating and profiles, the one thing I realize is that we actually all want the same things. We may word it differently or express it differently but it is fundamentally the same. Be kind, be open, be all that you wish to receive. You may be fortunate to have a partner in your life right now. If you are disgruntled, look within. What kind of companion are you? Would you want to be with you? Simply be all that you long for. Love without judgment or expectation. Tis the season for joy and goodwill towards all men. Love yourself and your partner the way that God loves you, without limits or conditions.

What happened to the honeymoon?

I listened to a radio interview tonight with Bruce Lipton. Bruce is an American developmental biologist, who is best known for promoting the idea that genes and DNA can be manipulated by a person's beliefs.


Bruce explained how the mind, comprised of two parts, determines the quality of our life: The conscious mind, which has wishes, desires, and creativity; the subconscious mind, which is equivalent to a record and playback device with programming from instincts and learned experiences. The subconscious is almost completely made up of our beliefs that were formed when we were less than 7 years old.

He described the honeymoon phase of a relationship and what happens eventually. It was quite an eye opener for me and I bet it would be for a lot of people. It made so much sense.

When we fall in love with someone or something, it's the only time we keep our conscious mind in the present moment. If we can just pay attention, bring conscious mind into the moment and focus on what is right and possible right NOW, this is the field of love. When you focus on the field of love in the moment, EVERYTHING becomes heaven on earth. We all know that feeling. We can’t keep our hands off each other; we are creating more and more beautiful moments together. It just gets better and better. We are in total bliss. What happens?

When we get busy, return to our jobs and life’s stresses - we let our subconscious slip in. We take our eye off the ball. Instead of staying in the moment and speaking to each other from that field of love, we react to a question or comment from our beloved with an answer that comes from a recording made by a 7 year old – our subconscious. If our parents had been critical or made us feel unworthy, we recorded that as a child. When we are not being in the NOW, we can interpret our beloved’s comment incorrectly. We may respond just the way our parents did or the way we did as a child. Our partner wonders where the heck did that reaction come from and the conflict begins.

The minute that we lose consciousness and the Now, we lose the honeymoon. We lose both people being fully present and aware. Our field of love becomes barren and a waste land. The only way to keep this from happening is to change the subconscious recording through repetition. We must fall in love with ourselves and practice staying in the moment.

Twenty Twenty hindsight is so clear. All we can do is learn, grow and try again.