Why didnt it work?

I was thinking about a very common question that clients ask me almost every day, “Why didn't it work?” Often they are trying to get rid of a pest, for example, an insect or a weed. They bought a chemical at the box store, they sprayed the culprit or they pulled it out by the roots, or they tilled the whole field and that nemesis came back with a vengeance. Maybe my client was trapping gophers in the hay field, or chasing spiders in the bathtub or digging weeds out of the front lawn. They just want these pests gone. They express to me their frustration, “I tried my best. I did everything I was supposed to and it still didn't work.” Translation, I did not see the result I wanted.

My explanation usually includes a discussion on the life cycle of the pest, the timing of the control measure, alternative methods and the need to persevere. It’s possible that something out of their control effected the treatment; rain, traffic, temperature. It could be that my client was just using the wrong product or technique. The salesperson might not have been trained effectively about the pest or the control.

I had decided to create a brochure that I could hand out to people with troubleshooting questions. If things did not go as planned, they could reference this pamphlet. I imagined other agencies or departments would want to collaborate with me on this tool.

As I rolled the title across my mind, “Why didn't it work?” I thought about life in general. How many times do we ask ourselves this same question? I've put offers on nine houses in the last 5 years. Why hasn’t it worked? Is it my life cycle, a matter of timing? Did I apply myself to the wrong websites or haven’t I persevered long enough?

What about relationships? When we are looking at weeds, it’s pretty clear the objective is to see it eradicated. In its place we’d like to see a carpet of bluegrass or a hay field of alfalfa and timothy. My guess is that everyone has a slightly different idea of what a relationship working looks like.

If a friendship didn't last forever, did it not work? Were there times of laughter and joy? Were there experiences of total freedom and acceptance? Did you honor each other and share your innermost secrets? I’d say that worked. It worked because it allowed you to get in touch with a part of you that you did not know existed. Maybe you felt a depth of emotion that had been hidden. Be glad to know that that it is in there and can be brought out again when the time is right. When you remember him do you smile, or are you stuck in the pain of his absence? If you relish the happiness you experienced, then it worked.

Is duration your measure? Many feel that as long as you maintain your legal status, the relationship is working. For some it is separate rooms and separate lives; for some it is an intimate companionship based on mutual growth and support. Each couple decides what works for them.

How do you decide when your life is working? Do you need a monetary goal? Does your mate need to act in a certain manner or behave in a prescribed role? If your friend has a differing opinion on a topic or takes an opposing point of view, is the friendship still working? Is your physical health or emotional balance a yardstick to gauge what’s working? Life is perplexing, isn’t it? We all have unique barometers based on our beliefs and perspectives.

My life is working when I am feeling peaceful and content. I feel a great sense of satisfaction when I am able to assist others on their journey. My job allows me opportunities every day to help people feel successful growing their own food, caring for their landscape and make environmentally sound decisions. I am grateful for my warm bed, nutritious foods and my loving family and friends. I’d say my life is more than working. I've had my share of weeds and pests along the way but, I have either found a way to live in harmony with them or managed to conquer their effects.

When my clients are discouraged that their efforts are not accomplishing their goals, I ask them to describe what they want to see on their land. Do you want a field of wildflowers, or a luxurious lawn or a vegetable garden? Once that is clear, we can make a plan to get there. Take a moment and ask yourself, “Is my life working for me?” If not, what will it take to get there? Is this the right timing? What tools do I need? How much effort am I willing to exert? Are there alternative methods or paths? How will I know when I get there? What is my vision? Life doesn't come with a trouble shooting pamphlet. This is not a segue into theological debate. We must find our individual path to happiness using the tools we have acquired in this life time.

My house search is symbolic of my life. A picture is etched upon my mind of what I want but, I am open to alternatives. I respect Divine timing. I realize that ultimately, of my own will, I do nothing. I hold a vision; I do my part. Life is working.

The first book is out!

Unexpected Pathways: The Journeys of Women in the Workforce - Available at: https://www.createspace.com/5194061(Link)

May 2015

Unexpected Pathways: The Journeys of Women in the Workforce presents stories about the career pathways of twenty-three multi-generational women representing diverse occupations, experiences, and backgrounds. The stories reflect the stories of many women, expressing the intimate connection between one’s career pathway and life journey. “Unexpected Pathways” shares stories of determination and perseverance - courage and resilience. “Unexpected Pathways” shares stories of greatness and fragility - survival and victory! And in the context of the career-life journey, “Unexpected Pathways” shares stories of healing and love. The stories and the five inspired lessons offered by the chapter authors, encourage hope and inspiration to women present and future.

Available via: https://www.createspace.com/5194061

The Depth of Winter

I went to a meeting last night and an acquaintance said to me, “Why haven’t I seen your writings in the magazine or on your blog?” I realize my pen has gone still.

I think back to December. I lost two of my best friends in one week, one to death, the other to distance. I’ve spent the dark of winter in reflection and contemplation. A forty day journaling exercise found me uncovering buried beliefs that had been hidden since childhood. Questions flooded my mind pertaining to reality and illusions. With the loss of three confidants in one year, I faced my fear of abandonment and stared down the nose of my need for approval. Digging at the roots of these limitations has allowed me to remove much of the foliage that has tangled my steps forward. Who am I without their support and nurturing? Where am I going without their guidance? What is my role in the world if not to tend to those around me?

All of this uncovering and peeling away has left me a bit raw and tender. My heart is fragile in its openness. The light is burning its way into my soul to fill me with a new sense of purpose and direction. I am swimming in the void and am not sure which way is up. My instinct is to swim as hard as I can to reach a shore and yet, I realize it is the time to surrender and float. The winter is still upon me and the spring will awaken my senses. I must have faith that all is in perfect order and of myself I can do nothing.

I am reminded every day to stop trying to push doors open and wait for Divine Timing. Life is. I Am. These are the only things I can know for certain. Energies run high and yet I remain unmoved. My pen is still, but it will flow once more. Spring is just around the corner.

40 days

This has been an interesting start to the year. On the full moon, that kicked off this new year of the rabbit, I began writing a 40 day journal. Each morning I rise between 5:00 and 5:30 am, light a candle, and pull out my new workbook. I list all the things I am grateful for and all the things I would like to bring into my life. I sit in the stillness in front of the wood fire and see my reflection dancing on the window panes. I am 21 days into my 40 days endeavor. Jesus was in the desert 40 days and 40 nights. He sought clarity. Each morning I become more sure of my purpose and my direction. My writing has been directed at the process of uncovering hidden belief systems that block my progress. I am amazed at my daily revelations. "If I have more, someone has less. If I get something, someone else goes without. I dont need a grand house, just a roof over my head. Dont be selfish. Who do you think you are? You are to be seen and not heard. No one wants to hear your opinion."

As this new moon tonight conjuncts my house of creativity, I feel my writing wanting to spring forth once more. I have spent 3 weeks in quiet reflection, a wonderful way to spend the long nights. I am half way through my experiment. I feel more connected and more alive. Each day, I do my best to bring this energy to my workplace. I will keep you posted on my process. Love is all around us. It is my job to remove the blocks that I have built that keep it out. I am taking down my walls brick by brick, stone by stone. I've been hiding behind them since childhood. I saw myself as a child, hiding under a heavy wool blanket under the dining room table. I was afraid of the dark and all alone. All at once, the blanket fell off and I was dazzled by the fact that my father was in his winged back chair in the living room next to me and I never knew he was there reading. The lights glowed peacefully and I climbed into his lap. The darkness had been my own doing. I was afraid because I did not know that I was never really alone.

I cant wait to find out what other mysteries I will discover on this journey.

Transition

It has been an interesting start to 2015. I have been absorbed by the energy of stillness. There is a power in the quiet, some underlying courage. The snow has been piling up the cabin walls as it slides off the tin roof. There are white banks as high as my kitchen window and the path to my door is beginning to look like a labyrinth of twisting tunnels. My pen and I have been silent. It is a period of rest and recharging. My mornings are spent reflecting and envisioning. I stretch my legs in front of the fire and snug my afghan around me. The break in office duties was welcome during the holidays. The feeling of calm has persisted, which is strange, yet wonderful. The calm before the storm,maybe? No, I think more the resting before the launch. This year is full of promise and opportunity. I am wondering if I am just more accepting of the flow this year. The long nights are welcomed instead of being endured. I go to bed early, tucked into my flannel sheets, allowing myself to rejuvenate and dream deeply. The endless summer days will be here soon enough. They will be filled with outdoor activities and home maintenance. Sleep will not be a priority then. So for now, I am content to enjoy the solitude, shovel once more and settle in with a book for a change. 

Happy New Year

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something.”

― Neil Gaiman

Proposal off to editor

I am so excited to have the Hay House book proposal off to the editor for final polish. This has been quite the journey. The project was a test in perseverance. I wondered how many obstacles and challenges could keep coming up that took all of my attention. We had a major external review of our department that took about 3 weeks in November. I've lost two dear friends through death and distance in the past 2 weeks. Lakota suffered an injury that required hand walking again - at least only a week this time. Then holiday preparations and an unexpected training in New York.

Life happens. My calendar had been cleared in order to focus on my writing but the Universe had different plans. In my heart of hearts, this is my passion. Writing, telling stories. I will continue to write whether or not I get the contract from Hay House. I will not let my self worth hinge on this contest. For too long, I have set aside my dreams because I might appear foolish, I might meet with disapproval, I might fail.

I cannot see the ending of the story of my life. I am happy about that. The choice I make is to see my last few chapters as disappointments or as going out with a huge exclamation point. What will I leave behind that will impact the next generation? How can I leave the planet a better place?

"In the end, we will conserve only what we love, we will love only what we understand, and we will understand only what we are taught."
This quote from Baba Dioum has been my tag line on my signatures, business cards and stationary for over 25 years. I feel like the native, wise woman that passes along the stories of how to care for the earth. Getting children into nature and allowing them to get their hands dirty is my biggest thrill.

The submission date is December 28 but I am leaning towards submitting on the new moon and solstice on the 21st. The results will be posted on face book on January 28 on the Hay House website. I know you will join me in sending positive, light filled energy with this proposal.

Best wishes,

Pat