Other

It's been one of those weeks when the weather changes within minutes from sun to rain, from calm to wind, from cloudy to clear blue sky. This afternoon, I left the house with my sunglasses on and by the time I traveled the 12 miles to the barn, it was sprinkling. Lakota was whinnying and anxious to have her daily walk. Since her injury, this is the only time she leaves her stall. Last night, I had chosen to go out with friends and she remained confined to her pen. I donned my old sweatshirt, put her halter on and we made our way into the pasture. She eagerly tore at the fresh grass and alfalfa. Nipping at the seed heads of the orchard grass, I could tell she was thoroughly enjoying her snack. I take this opportunity to walk her and allow her to stretch her legs. Lakota's back foot will take months to grow a new hoof. I cannot risk her twisting her leg and straining a tendon, so hand walking is how she will spend this summer. No turn out. The light sprinkle turns into a soft drizzle. I bring my hood over my head and wait it out. Lakota is taking such pleasure in her green smorgasbord that it makes me smile. It makes me happy to see her happy. Thirty minutes in a summer shower never hurt anybody.

I am well aware of how important the focus on Self is to an individual and to a relationship. On the same hand, is the recognition of Other. I am not sure if taking Lakota out for her stroll brings me more joy or her. When I can please someone that I love, it makes me happy. I am doing it for my Self, also. Anyone that has children, knows the gratitude we feel when we are able to give our child something that they desired. The giving touches our heart. It allows us to expand inside. It doesn't mean we are denying Self to please another. If I know my sibling, or lover or child loves strawberry cake and I bake it for them, am I giving up Self? I think not. I may actually be being Self-ish. It brings me as much pleasure as them. It is important to allow others to do for us and to receive from them. We deny them the chance to feel that expansion of the heart if we cannot accept freely and be gracious.

Giving and receiving is an energetic flow. Back and forth, in and out. It is funny how many people have a hard time letting anyone do for them. I have been guilty of this. Lakota reminds me how wonderful it feels to give and to receive. Our animals bring us satisfaction simply by being near us. Is it so hard to fathom that we could bring that kind of contentment to another human being? Are we able to recognize our own unique value and contributions? If we can see our worth, it may make it easier to for us to allow others to fulfill our wishes without second guessing the intention. We understand how it feels to give to the Other. It is a fine balance to focus on Self and still tend to the Other. Only in relationship can we know who we really are. In a void, we are no-thing.

I will continue to take Lakota on her walks for the next several months. It will get hot and of course buggy. It is inconvenient at times. I do it because I love her and it brings me pleasure. I could easily leave her in her stall to mend but that would sit heavy on my heart. I am thinking of Self and Other. I hope to get her here behind the cabin soon. Until then, we walk together.

photo by Nicole Tavenner

Self

I watched a movie a couple days ago on a rainy, Sunday afternoon. The lead was played by an actress born and raised here in Kalispell, MT. The story is about a happily (?)  married woman who falls in love with another man. She tries to fight it but eventually leaves the husband to move in with the lover. What was so well portrayed is her life ended up exactly the same as it was with the first man as with the second. How poignant? Sure, there was the passion and romance of the beginning but after a period of time they were sitting on the couch watching television, reading a paper, and she was baking the same muffins in the oven. After all of the turmoil and upheaval, how far had she gotten? Was she really happier?

One of my favorite books of all time is Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations with God. I can read this series endlessly for some reason. The themes in the book were beautifully acted out in this movie. Relationships fail when we are focused on the other. "What is the other doing, having, saying, wanting, demanding, thinking, planning, expecting?" The message to take away is that it doesn't matter. What matters is who we are being in relationship to all of that.  The concern of each person should be on Self.

If a person does not love them self then they will feel that no one can really love them. They will feel that you are trying to manipulate them or get something from them, because they cannot accept the love being offered. No matter how you say it or how often, it will never be enough. It is not possible to feel truly loved until you fall in love with yourself. It is also not possible for you to love another totally until you know your own worth.

I think of the main character in the movie. She felt the new man would make her world complete. What was she doing to feel fulfilled? What was she doing to bring happiness into her own world? She said she wanted to be a writer but when asked why she wasn't writing, she had no answer. Her husband was following his passion and working on making his dream come to fruition. She wandered aimlessly with an empty heart. She was looking to her husband and then her lover to bring the things to her that she was not willing to do for herself. I wondered how many years would this partnership last before she became disillusioned with the latest man? Then what? Would she jump to the next man that offered her fun and excitement?

I am not saying that people should stay in relationships that are abusive or detrimental. How many times though does the grass look greener on the other side? How many times are we looking at others to bring us joy, happiness, comfort? Can we see that relationship is an opportunity to be all of these things but we must be willing to provide for ourselves first?

I have friends that just cannot accept the wonderful people that they are. They do not see their own light. They are generous, kind, sweet and gentle but they do not recognize it. They are looking at the physical structure in the mirror and finding it lacking. I say, "Look inside, look deeper." Find that loving Spirit that the rest of us see. Be content. Know yourself.

I hope there is a sequel so I can see if this lady ever finds herself and discovers true contentment with her companion.