June Evening

I've been feeling the peacefulness of surrender the past few months. It has been a time of rejuvenation and recharging. The striving and struggle of the past few decades have simply melted into a sense of calm serenity. Is it the time of my life or the timing of the Universe? I cannot tell. I know that I am here and that is enough.

I had to question this unfamiliar emotion. Was I depressed? Was I ill and not feeling energetic? No, that's not it. My lawn is mowed, the house clean, the career going well, my body getting more in shape each day.

I realized I am in complete trust. I have faith that all is well in the world. The Divine has my back.

My efforts at trying to control and think that I have the answers stems from my conditioning as a child. One by one, I have challenged the beliefs that I was given in my youth. Reward and punishment. The white hats and black hats. Right and wrong. The rules of living were handed down from generation to generation.

It was 94 degrees today in Kalispell. The sun hangs low while a breeze kisses my face. I sit in the shadow of the cabin and write with my cat, Frank, asleep under my chair in the pansies that have volunteered bursting from the cracks in my sidewalk. The finches cling to the thistle tube and occasionally drop down to sip from the birdbath. I await the bluebirds that arrive in the backyard each night about 8:00 pm. The colorful flowers that I planted yesterday nod and smile back at me gently caressed by the wind. The peonies and lilacs have finished blooming and the poppies and hollyhocks race to take their place on the cabin wall.

It was as if the new year set me on an uncharted path. I let go of the search for a house, the desire for a companion or the need to publish my stories. So many times I have been sure of my road and it has twisted completely or made a 180 degree turn. Each time, I have grown and become more of who I am meant to be. People have come and gone. Dreams have dissolved. I have learned to surrender. Eastern philosophers have stated that pain is attachment. Attachment to any person, place or idea will eventually create distress. When life does not unfold according to the promises we were given we have two choices. We can move on in grace or fight the windmills. We can accept that there is a higher purpose that we cannot see or keep trying to push the river in futility.

My soul is at rest. My heart is at ease. I am a child of God and loved unconditionally. I am grateful for my life and all the blessing that have been bestowed upon me. The bluebird has arrived 15 minutes ahead of schedule. Thank you for this beauty.

There is a hater that stalks my blog. I pray that love may shine into her heart and replace the fear that abides there. Anger is secondary to fear. Let her fears be removed that she can walk freely through life without judgement and pain. Amen