Easter

As the sun rose behind my little cabin I felt the warmth seep into my body through my flannels. I stood with my coffee blessing this glorious Easter morning. All that could be heard was the wind rustling and far off geese returning for the summer. I blessed this day and all its symbolism. This day conjures up a multitude of meanings and memories.


I feel that the stone has been rolled away to reveal a me that I had not known. My stories about who I am, who I have been and where I am going have created only limitations and darkness. By questioning all that has been handed down to me, all that I have accepted and all that I believe, I am resurrecting myself.

My reality is a creation of my own design, like painting a beautiful egg with glitter and pastels. My illusions have been easily cracked and broken. This happens to many of us when a marriage fails, a child becomes ill, a job disappears, or a house is destroyed. I do not know what is inside my neighbor’s egg. Is it filled with delectable sweetness, is it filled with nourishing sustenance, is it old and rancid? As my egg cracks and crumbles, I see the life that is struggling to break free. It is a power that is growing and stretching its wings. It teeters and wobbles yet continues to thrive.

The light of our Creator fills the cavern I had prepared to protect myself. The rock of meanings I had so strategically placed disintegrates in the brilliance. My hiding is over. I greet this day with full presence. I am all that I am. I am filled with appreciation and the willingness to question all of the boundaries built by me and accepted from others. Happy Easter!

Vulnerability

Head pounding; sluggish; vacillating between chills and heat waves; all the joys of the common cold. For some of us, it is not so common. I average one a year. The timing is when I have succeeded in burning my candle from both ends and the middle. Taking the day off is a favor to my co-workers and clientele. I tell myself I can push through this illness but at what cost? My whole office could be down and out over my stubbornness.


There is a sense of vulnerability that creeps over me as I admit I am not functioning on all cylinders. I wonder if I am picking up on emotions that I possessed in my ancient history. I broke my back in a horse accident a few years ago. My mother flew across country to tend to me in my time of weakness. I said to her one morning, “If this was during the days of the cave men, I would have been left to die. If you stayed to care for me, you probably would have died, too.” Of course, she looked at me as if I had two heads and said she couldn’t figure out where I come up with these thoughts. But, really. Darwinism. The strong survive. The frail are someone’s dinner. Lying on the couch, sneezing, with a head that feels like a scene from The Man in the Iron Mask, brings up the realization I could not run for my life or fight a tiger in this state. I would have to rely on the tribe or someone else. Since I am here alone, I am defenseless.

So, is this is why we created friendships, social circles, partners? To protect us from our helplessness? One day we can be at the peak of our strength and intellect and the next day, at the mercy of our environment. I recognize that this cold will pass in a couple days and I will be back on full power. An illness is a wonderful reminder to never take for granted our health. Aries and the cats will watch over me as I mend. I am grateful for my stocked freezer and warm, cozy cabin. Back to the sofa I go.