Dating profiles

I took a leap of faith and joined an on-line dating service for three months. Twenty four matches a day is quite a lot of reading material. Admittedly, I was never able to keep up and read them all. In the first month, I thought it was amusing to look at all the profiles and pick out the misspellings, the lack of grammar, the ridiculous photographs and the hilarious code names. I was and am considering starting up a business to help men create a compelling story for their site.


The second month, I stopped finding humor in the profiles and began seeing something underneath the verbiage. I had also conversed with a few people by email. Now I am a couple weeks away from the end of my membership and have a gained a profound awareness. It goes way beyond the spiritual phrase, “We are all One.”

I feel the longing and loneliness in the profiles. I can sense the separateness and distance we feel from each other. We, as humans, share the same desires. Each one of us wants to find a person to acknowledge us, to validate our emotions, to support our decisions and to respect our uniqueness. We yearn for physical touch, the intimacy of holding hands, snuggling in bed and sexual fulfillment. Each of us wishes for a warm welcome when we return home. We fill our lives with hobbies and pets, work and social gatherings. We do these things, while holding onto the dream that someone special is out there for us.

What are we doing to make that person welcome in our life? What if we really met that individual today? We know, or think we know, what we are looking for. Are we actually able to be all that for another person? We want someone who will support us if we are sick, or lose our job, or have a family crisis – someone we can trust and depend on. Are we that person? We want someone who is loyal and honest. Do we walk our truth? We are looking for someone who tends to our sexual needs and requests. Are we willing to do that for our lover? We want someone to smile and kiss us when we walk in the door. Will we do that? We are searching for someone that will appreciate all our quirkiness, the unusual ways we have of expressing ourselves and our different habits. Are we able to stop judging our partner and give that in return?

Understanding that we have the same underlying needs may help us look at another person with new vision. Have you taken the time to learn how to give what another needs and not what makes you happy? Have you taken the time to acknowledge that your partner is not going to complete you but will expand you? Are you willing to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone?

Relationships are about experiencing who we really are. We can tell ourselves certain things and write them on our profile – for example – I am generous; I am trustworthy; I am romantic. Would our last partner say that? Were we loyal and honest? No saying, “Well, I would have been except…or I was honest until… it got too difficult.” We are only lying to ourselves here. Relationships give us the opportunity to be all that we can be. They are like a meter to measurement of our lives. Am I really generous or only if I get something in exchange? Am I able to love unconditionally or do I love only if the person matches my expectations?

After all this examination of on-line dating and profiles, the one thing I realize is that we actually all want the same things. We may word it differently or express it differently but it is fundamentally the same. Be kind, be open, be all that you wish to receive. You may be fortunate to have a partner in your life right now. If you are disgruntled, look within. What kind of companion are you? Would you want to be with you? Simply be all that you long for. Love without judgment or expectation. Tis the season for joy and goodwill towards all men. Love yourself and your partner the way that God loves you, without limits or conditions.

12-12-12

12-12-12

Today is such an auspicious day, that I am simply reveling in the energy. Instead of being perturbed by one more cloudy day, I saw the mystical magic in the scenery that surrounds my cabin. It was as if I had disappeared into Avalon. There is a new world emerging through the fog, a new place of love and peace. I am taking my place, with all my fellow earth beings, in raising my vibration and entering fully into the Oneness. Come take my hand, brother.  Shambala is just beyond the veil.

My Mirror

I picked up a book to take with me on my trip to Portland. I grabbed it from the health food store on the way to the airport. Thank goodness because my flight was cancelled, then rescheduled, rerouted and then down for mechanical problems in a city I wasnt even supposed to fly through. Anyway, I had 6 hours to read. The book is Your Dog is Your Mirror. I chose it from the photo on the cover - dont laugh, wait till you see it.


The writer and his father have been dog trainers for over 50 years. Kevin Behan believes that we are connected to our dog through our hearts. He states that your dog can help you see your unresolved emotional issues and help the owner reconnect with buried feelings. I had to laugh when he wrote about watching your dog react to different people. If your dog is thrilled to see someone when they arrive but you are busy or thinking of something else, the dog is acting out your happiness. If you dig deep, you are really happy that person appeared. Sometimes our head gets in the way of our heart, but our dog knows.

I haven’t finished the book, but I tell you it is an interesting theory. He is not giving dogs human emotions, only reporting that dogs pick up and act on their owner's feelings.

For me, I am thrilled. If my dog is a reflection of what is in my heart, then I am golden. Aries is loyal and courageous; she would die for me. She loves everyone and every other animal she meets. She is gentle with kittens, respects horses, curious about guinea pigs and allows babies to take anything out of her mouth. Aries listens and obeys my every word and thought. She doesn’t hold grudges and is kind to every person she meets. This dog has one thing on her mind, “Let’s have fun.”

I can only aspire to be all that Aries is in the world.

Colors

St. Mary's on the way home last night



I returned last night from a True Colors training http://www.true-colors.com


My co-worker and I are now certified facilitators for this program. I knew a little about this material but now I am a flag waving enthusiast. This is the type of workshop that everyone in a relationship and everyone that really wants to be an effective leader should attend. If you have read The Five Love Languages, Mars/Venus, Birth Order or any of the many books out there on how to communicate more effectively with others, you would love this. If you haven’t read any of those books and you just don’t care about how to communicate - because you are always right - then you really need to look at this material.

I love the way the universe provides the perfect information at the ideal time. My desire is to help others and myself to maintain peaceful, fulfilling relationships. These interactions can be with our lover, our family or in our workplace. The colors information has allowed me to find a quick, easy to use method for helping others. This work is based on scientific research beginning with Hippocrates in 400 B.C, all the way through Jung, Kiersy, Myers-Briggs and Lowry.

There are four major personality types. In this program, they are simplified into colors. It is so easy to use, that it works for students and teachers, athletic teams and coaches, spouses and children. We learned what each color needs to feel “brightened” and what things cause stress. It’s amazing how each personality has such unique needs. We know these things; we see them every day but here it was in black and white.

We all have all four colors. Some of the colors dominate and when we are stressed we fall back into this dominant color. During the training, we were able to observe the “out of esteem” behavior. That was eye opening to me. What I need to feel better when I am stressed is totally different than my ex-partner. One person needs space to process and the other needs closeness and comforting. What causes stress for one person can be healing for the other. If we understand the differences before a situation arises, then we can be there for the other person in the way that they need and not the way that comes natural to us. If we keep doing what we think is best, and of course it is the opposite of what they need, it eventually leads to separation and the ending of relationship that had huge potential.

I learned so much about myself. Of course, I have two equally dominant colors. I laugh because I never do one thing at a time. My tendency to be nurturing, caring and compassionate is equal to my risk taking, adventurous, out of the box, spontaneous self. I want to be close with someone but if I feel locked in or trapped, I rebel. I am loyal to a fault in relationship but my adventurous side needs to have fun, explore and find excitement together. That was pretty neat. I feel my unconventional side has been stuffed a long time. In my upbringing, in my previous life in NY, in my job – the rebel has not been appreciated, so I learned to bury it. It is my creative self, the self that is filled with bold ideas, innovative solutions and new ways of solving challenges. It’s time I allow that part of me more freedom.

I see that in my last partnership, the attraction was from sharing our two secondary colors; the fun loving, spontaneous, adventurous side. This was powerful. Then we both went through extremely stressful situations in our individual lives. We each fell into our primary color as a way to cope. These primary colors were not understood and needed opposing actions to find peace and harmony. One color blocked communication in order to process. One color needed communication to feel connected. If only we had known.

A huge chasm was created unnecessarily. An unfortunate ending took place.

I’ve been allowed to see this for what it is. I am a communicator. I always will be. It is important for me to express these thoughts. I hope it helps someone else on this path.

As an addendum, there was a woman at the training that had opposing values and stressors to mine. What really intrigued me was that I drove her crazy. She was so rigid in her thoughts and beliefs that she saw me as anarchy and irreverence. Any words out of my mouth intimidated her and caused her to cringe. No matter how the facilitator tried to question and encourage her to look at her own issues, she was unable. She was totally convinced that everyone should change to suit her needs. It was really comical. Here we were learning how to help people see each other’s individuality, to value all the colors and she could not break down her walls.


You have to want to see other people for who they are in order to have this information make a difference. You have to want to communicate. You have to see the value in learning how to lead, to inspire, to heal and to motivate others. You have to want to. Anyone that clings to their color and finds it superior, uses their color to defend their actions or refuses to acknowledge the qualities of other people is never going to be all that they can be.

Marmot and Bear

I'd like to announce the beginning of my new children's book Marmot and Bear. I feel inspired to write a book for parents to read with their children that will encourage discussion around social skills and etiquette. I am seeing more and more young people that are ignorant of basic table manners and how to engage in polite conversation. In educational circles, these abilities are called “soft skills”. Business owners are complaining that new employees have not been trained in these areas. Soft skills were taught in the home and reinforced at school in the past. Somewhere along the line, this education has been lost. Marmot and Bear will address a few of these areas in a fun setting. I hope you join me on my newest blog. I will be illustrating these stories and get my artistic juices flowing again. Stay tuned!

Inner Peace

While I was contemplating the two trees from my previous blog, I was reminded once more about the differences between men and women and the way we interact in the world. If the outer world is a reflection of our inner life, what is going on inside of us? Thinking about what masculine energy is and what feminine energy is and how it is demonstrated in society, made me reconsider a few beliefs I have created over time. Historically how has that changed in our culture and in my own life?


As far as historians can ascertain, centuries ago society was based on a matriarchal system. This is true in many indigenous tribes and in our European backgrounds with the Celts and Druids. The Divine Feminine was honored and respected in one form or another from Greece and India to North America and Africa. She was revered as the source of all life and sustenance. Women held positions of power and authority over their clans. Their intuition and healing were valued among their people.

In the past 2,000 years we have been ruled by a patriarchal society. The men have been conditioned to obey and follow the example of their fathers- to deny their emotions, to trust science over their own knowing, to follow commands without reflection and that might makes right. Women have been taught to be subservient, to martyr and limit themselves.  Instead of a society based on cooperation and compassion, the world has become a place of competition and struggle. Women have been considered weak, disregarded and unintelligent. It was only within the last 200 years, that women have risen above the rank of chattel.

What does that say about the conflict that persists within our being? I once thought that being dominant and assertive was a man’s role. I was mistaken; it is a component of the masculine energy which is in both men and women. Just as at times, we do not value our partner’s opinions or actions because they are “just like a guy” or “all women do that”, are we doing that to ourselves?

My mind and my heart have been in conflict many times. When I have a decision to make, I can hear myself say, “I feel this way” or “My heart tells me…” My intellect and brain may be giving me all the statistics and the logical reasons why those emotions are wrong. My outer world reflects my inner world. My thought process has been that one of these energies must win and the other lose. If my intellect is my masculine and my emotions my feminine energy, can they live in harmony inside of me? Can I respect and honor both of them for the insights that they bring me? As a union, they give to me a complete and whole perspective of the world. My life becomes peaceful and comes to me with ease when I am completely accepting of all that I am, all of the energies that make me who I am. I am not strictly one energy or another. I am all.

I own my masculine driven, powerful, dynamic self and I cherish my feminine compassionate, sensitive, nurturing self. I encourage everyone to look deep inside and see if there is an element of you that you fear, banish, run away from or criticize. It may have something to teach you. It is not possible to be fully in relationship with another on the outside if you have not resolved the conflict between your masculine and feminine energies. If you have not possessed totally and come to honor the feminine inside of you,  you will disrespect that energy in your partner. If you are not capable of admiring and cherishing the masculine energy in yourself, you will not see the beauty of it in your mate. Love yourself entirely and wholly, love your mate the same. Accept all, be all. We are perfect and complete.

Respect

I think this one speaks for itself. I just love it.

Two Trees

I have been walking the dirt road that leads past my cabin for years now. At the top of the hill are two trees, an aspen and a tamarack, that live side by side in an inspiring relationship. I can’t help but wonder how long they have been together – 30 years? 40 years? Maybe 50. They grow in concert as if to say, “Look at us, see how it is done.” The aspen is so beautiful with its yellow leaves rattling from outstretched iridescent branches. The tamarack is stark in its comparison. The rough bark is black and needles short and pointed. He is tall and majestic. They appear more striking in combination than if they grew separately.


The couple has given up the inside branches between them to allow each other space to grow, reaching instead into the expansiveness that surrounds them. The two trees complement each other, the light against the dark, the smooth, golden leaf adjacent to the soft, green needle. Simultaneously, they reach towards the sky, ever supporting each other, ever accepting. They have chosen to be here, as a pair, for eternity, growing in communion with all of nature.

It makes my heart sing to see two such different trees live in unison and harmony for so long. Is it possible to make a life with another person whose personality is so foreign to your own? Can two people accept each other’s differences and instead of finding fault with those distinctive characteristics, revel in their uniqueness? It is like a football team with players possessing different skills. How successful would they be if they were all quarterbacks? Why do we want our mate to be just like us? To think like us? Behave like us? Have opinions like ours? Why is it so difficult to allow each other those spaces to grow and evolve individually? Would the aspen make the tamarack wrong for having needles? Is the tamarack superior due to his size?

We must allow our partner to reach out into his own world, to bring back experiences that nourish him. It does not mean leaving, it means continuing to grow and reach into our own world to bring back something meaningful that feeds the relationship. These trees remind me of my favorite passage from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet. I read this passage on Marriage at my brother’s wedding. This is how I imagine a perfect union.

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Cabin musings

Even though I fuss about the cabin at times, there are so many things I do love about it. That must be why I am still here. What started out as a two  month stay, is now into its fifth winter. Let me add, it is a very long winter. I love that it is on a dirt road, on 40 acres, with no one else around. All I hear outside are the birds, cattle or an occasional horse whinnying. I can let the cats and dog out without the need for a leash or putting on my boots. There are bears in the apple trees, deer in the yard eating my shrubs - darn it- turkeys and coyotes. I dont need a lot of furniture and life is simple. It is affordable and I dont have to worry about not being able to pay my rent. I am not weighed down by a hefty mortgage or trapped in an upside down house. I am free to leave, if ever I get the whim. I am still not sure what I want to do when I grow up except for one thing. I will always write. I dream of Montana in the summer and someplace warm in the winter. It is ironic that when I was a kid, I thought only old people get tired of winter. That wasnt that long ago, was it? I picture myself on a red cliff overlooking a vista of wide open spaces while I write in a leather travel journal. I feel the heat rise off the sand and the wind caresses my ears in a loving fashion. I wonder about the native peoples that lived in these cliffs and wrote their stories on the walls. I will do my part in that age old tradition of story telling as I put pen to paper. I must snap out of this dream of warm winter days down south and go put more wood in the stove. It's going to be another cold one.

"Okay, I must love it"

I love to read as much as I love to write, which is a lot. Before I go to sleep I always read and a few lines will often linger in my mind and ruminate all night. Gary Douglas wrote in his book Money isn’t the Problem, You Are that all you have to do is look at your life to see what you are creating. If something keeps showing up, it’s because there is something about this situation that you love to create. Gary says to acknowledge what it is by saying, Okay, I must love it, I don’t know why, but okay, I love it. Once you acknowledge that you are creating this, you can change it. I’ve been mulling over this statement for several days now.


Sunday mornings are divine for this type of introspection. No alarm. No schedule. I lie in my flannel sheets, cozy in my bed and through the pale gray of dawn, see the snowflakes float by my window. I squeeze the statement through my filters and let it permeate into the recesses of my psyche. Is this true? Am I truly creating this absence of a partner? This financial restriction? This drafty cabin on a mountainside in Montana? What is it I love about it? Be honest with myself. Let it seep in.

I love my freedom. I love being able to get up, throw on a sweatshirt, stoke up the fire, put on the coffee and write when I am inspired to write. I love to eat what I want, buy what I want and exercise when I want. I am the Queen of my castle. No judgments, no expectations, no distractions. I did not realize I was harboring those feelings. I have recently joined an online dating service. How do I see that playing out? How do I see a man fit into my life? Can we know? Is it possible to plan for all the contingencies? I don’t think so.

In my previous life, up until yesterday….just kidding….men equal control. Men equal boundaries and fencing me in. Men equal having to change myself to meet someone else’s expectations. This showed up in my contemplation this morning. Talk about an Irish Catholic upbringing. Isn’t it amazing what we can dredge up if we really take the time to see what is simmering under the surface? Now what to do with this revelation?

I can have it all. I can love my desire for independence and share my life with the right man. The women in my lineage have martyred themselves to hold the relationship together. That is where I run away screaming. I have done that and it does not suit me. I become a person that I do not know. If I give away my power and my brilliance, I am pathetic. I have a friend who says, “There is nothing worse than a wimpy Aries.”

If we are going to travel down the road of, “what makes us tick?” Why when a relationship breaks up, do we feel we lost something or that the person took something from us? What is that exactly? Is it our time? What else would we have been doing? Is it our love? Do we have a limited amount to share and now there isn’t enough to have for retirement? I am guilty of the same emotions but I am questioning the validity. If we are not the one initiating the end of a relationship, we may feel despair, foolish or humiliated but what did we actually lose? If we lost respect for ourselves, that is our own self judgment. For me, I started down the path of self doubt. I doubted my ability to make correct decisions about people. I didn’t trust that I could avoid that “hit by a truck” feeling again. I had to wake up and see that I am still me. I am still the honest, loving, open person I have always been. I am responsible for my own actions, no one else’s. Just like driving on a country road, we can’t avoid all the pot holes. I have to go back to my own stories like The Red Rabbit and the White Rabbit. I will perpetually be the rabbit that wants out of the cage, even at the peril of getting too close to the road or snagged by a coyote, in order to munch on spring grass and sprint across the meadow.

I am a more multifaceted and grounded person as a result of my relationships. I have grown to have deep affection for myself. I see my role in the exchanges I have had and take responsibility for my actions. Each person I meet adds to my wealth of experiences and my complexity.

I see my archaic beliefs about men and un-create them now. They are no longer welcome here. I trust me and my ability to be in the world. I am never losing anything by being in relationship; I am more.

Rainy Drive

The drizzle soon turned to a steady downpour. The droplets fell from my brim of my hat like a funnel onto the saddle horn and then across my thighs beading up on the oilskin of my coat. The collar of my fleece was zippered snug to keep the wind from traveling down the base of my neck. The bottom edge of my coat directed the water to the lower half of my jeans and soaked my boots. As we pushed the cattle farther up the mountain, the steam rose off their backs with such intensity it created an eerie fog among the pine trees. I thought at any moment a hobbit would emerge from this mystical setting. A single cow was hell bent on turning on Chica, the aussie we used to set the pace. One newly born calf was a member of this troupe, born out of season and soon to face a rough Montana winter. He tumbled at one point over a rock outcropping, swept over by the sea of bovine. The calf quickly bounced up and ran through the forest of black legs to reunite with his mother.


The heifers had to be moved to one pasture and the cows and calves to another. The muck, the streams and the old weathered gates were features of the landscape that arose out of the cloud that now laid low across the valley. The moment I held my breath was when the bulls from the two different herds caught sight of each other across the barbed wire as the groups crossed paths along a narrow pass. The bulls bellowed and stomped as we rushed to keep them under motion. The size of these majestic creatures was incredible as I compared them to my horse. "Just keep yelling and pushing". Rush them -loping up rock, around gopher holes, down into the mud- just keep them moving forward. Once back on the trail, herds separated, time to relax and let them walk.

Back at the house, kahlua in a hot cup of coffee, steak and potatoes, lively conversation and tons of horse stories. I am so blessed and grateful.

That was yesterday. I cant wait to see what shows up today. Lovin' life!

Fog

The beauty of a foggy morning on Foys Lake. Sometimes I hear my mind say, "Really? Another foggy, drizzly day?" Then I see this and it reminds me to be so grateful for everyday, with or without sunshine. 

Buying a ticket

Ok, I'll admit it. I just joined an on-line dating service. I guess it has been about two weeks. What an experience. There are 40 million people who have tried on line dating. Stats say 20% of people meet on line and end up in committed relationships. I guess you cant win if you dont buy a ticket. I am giving this a three month try. There seems to be a stigma around this type of meeting and I am not sure why. Something needs to shift in my life - a man, a house, my job - something. I feel like I have been on hold, waiting, for over a year and I'm done with that.

I've always been the type that thought that when the time was right and the stars aligned, I would just run into "him".  It happened that way for me with my last boyfriend.

After two weeks of having daily matches sent to my inbox, including my ex,  I am inspired to start a new service. My marketing background kicks in and I have to say, "Hey, guys, please proof read your profiles!!!" I feel that I could rewrite profiles and make some good money. I could market these men much better than they do. I mentioned this to some of my girlfriends, just in case I am totally off target and they agreed.

• Enough with the fish. Every man has a photo of him with a fish. Unless you are trying to catch cats, I'd say do away with this. Women dont really care how big your fish is, only other guys do.  Women  envision you gone every weekend in your boat with your buddies drinking beer.
• Your call name. Think about what  you are trying to say to a woman. LoverBoy? Woody4you?  Hunglikeabuffalo? Seriously. What are you trying to attract -  another bovine? If that is what you are looking for - go for it. No woman that I know would respond.
• Get a friend to take your photo. If all you have is a photo of you in front of your computer or you in front of your bathroom mirror, it does not speak highly of your number of friends or social events.
• Get a haircut and trim your beard. Unless you want a woman that looks like she crawled out from under a rock, do a little grooming.
• Use spell check on your computer and then paste it into your profile. The misspellings are atrocious.

I have met a few really nice people so far. I am in exploration mode. I acknowledge my uncertainty about moving on and have more than a little trepidation. I also feel the excitement of a potential relationship. There is nothing worse than a wimpy Aries, a friend of mine tells me. Get out there and jump back into the game.

Pray but keep your feet moving. None of us know what lies around each corner. I am in the place of allowing and will see what I can co-create with the universe.

What happened to the honeymoon?

I listened to a radio interview tonight with Bruce Lipton. Bruce is an American developmental biologist, who is best known for promoting the idea that genes and DNA can be manipulated by a person's beliefs.


Bruce explained how the mind, comprised of two parts, determines the quality of our life: The conscious mind, which has wishes, desires, and creativity; the subconscious mind, which is equivalent to a record and playback device with programming from instincts and learned experiences. The subconscious is almost completely made up of our beliefs that were formed when we were less than 7 years old.

He described the honeymoon phase of a relationship and what happens eventually. It was quite an eye opener for me and I bet it would be for a lot of people. It made so much sense.

When we fall in love with someone or something, it's the only time we keep our conscious mind in the present moment. If we can just pay attention, bring conscious mind into the moment and focus on what is right and possible right NOW, this is the field of love. When you focus on the field of love in the moment, EVERYTHING becomes heaven on earth. We all know that feeling. We can’t keep our hands off each other; we are creating more and more beautiful moments together. It just gets better and better. We are in total bliss. What happens?

When we get busy, return to our jobs and life’s stresses - we let our subconscious slip in. We take our eye off the ball. Instead of staying in the moment and speaking to each other from that field of love, we react to a question or comment from our beloved with an answer that comes from a recording made by a 7 year old – our subconscious. If our parents had been critical or made us feel unworthy, we recorded that as a child. When we are not being in the NOW, we can interpret our beloved’s comment incorrectly. We may respond just the way our parents did or the way we did as a child. Our partner wonders where the heck did that reaction come from and the conflict begins.

The minute that we lose consciousness and the Now, we lose the honeymoon. We lose both people being fully present and aware. Our field of love becomes barren and a waste land. The only way to keep this from happening is to change the subconscious recording through repetition. We must fall in love with ourselves and practice staying in the moment.

Twenty Twenty hindsight is so clear. All we can do is learn, grow and try again.

An Open Heart

I asked the universe to show me what was keeping me from accepting a situation completely and I saw my heart struggling to open fully. I thought it had been open but I came to see that I had been protecting myself. I had my heart half open so that I could slam it shut quickly if necessary. Having our heart wide open often feels like a place of weakness when in fact it is a place of strength. When I saw this, I relaxed and felt myself truly breathe into the circumstance. I do not have to close my heart or protect myself from other’s behaviors.


Feeling joy or pain is our personal choice, no matter what is happening around us. An open heart can be soft and surrendering or authoritative and strong. Our choice. The body completely relaxes when we allow our heart to unwind and drop its defenses. For me, it was a matter of trust. I trust me. I trust I will take care of me. I do not need to carry armor over my heart. I will always be OK. I am divinely supported and loved. No one can cause an emotion in me I have not chosen.

I can look at their actions and see that it is just another point of view. I do not have to buy into their ideas or defend my own. I can be the observer and relax, breathe into my heart. Only with an open heart can we see others and they see us for all that we are. We feel-see them. A half opened heart is looking out through old beliefs and old fears. The minute anything resonates with an ancient wound, we can slam the heart closed. Is that really the way you want to see the world, from behind a broken door?

No. I am so glad I was given this vision to help me see the basis for my discomfort. An open heart allows me to see the truth. It allows me to be all that I can be and expand to my full potential. I do not have to agree or fight, just be.

Acceptance

I loved Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Mastery of Love. I read it several years ago but sections of it stick in the back of my mind. He asks the question, “Why can’t we accept our lover like we accept our dog?” He was referring to the fact that we don’t say to ourselves, “I love everything about that dog except that his tail is too short, I wish he had spots or he wags his tail funny.” No. We love him because of those things. It makes him quirky and unique. He loves us unconditionally and completely. If we are in a bad mood or happy; he is glad to see us.


I know how important that is to me. I’m sure it is for all of us. How many times have we felt that someone would really love us “if only”? If only you wouldn’t leave stuff around the bathroom, if only you’d get along with my family better, if only you would be more controlling or less.

We want to be accepted for all that we are. I am passionate and funny, and sometimes I’m messy when I cook. I am “chatty Kathy” in the morning but I am quiet and sleepy after 9:00 pm. I can be powerful and dynamic but sometimes I just want to be cuddled and nurtured. I am ok with all of that about me.

A perfect example of this acceptance is when my brother in law got upset with my sister not long ago for her stubbornness, but then he kissed her and said, “yes, but that’s what I love about you.” She can be a tough business owner and knows what she wants. He understands and appreciates her for her tenacity even though sometimes it is not easy.

I think we would all do better accepting our partners for all that they are, all the nuances that make them who we fell in love with. Let go of the need to be right and have them agree with your point of view. Give them a loving scratch behind the ears and let them be them.

Message of the day

Whether obvious or not, Pat, and usually it's not, everyone in your life is there to help you, AND, they're actually doing so right now.
We call this the Everyone In Your Life Is There To Help You Rule.
Tallyho,

The Universe

 Which, incidentally, Pat, doesn't mean you have to keep them there. In fact, their offering may simply be to teach you to say "adios."   © www.tut.com ®  

Who will you re-fall in love with today, Pat?
Whe-e-e-e-e-e . . .
The Universe

Or you could start from scratch, Pat, and pretend it's for the first time.

I just love these inspirational messages I get from Mike Dooley every morning when I wake up. Yesterday's message was bringing peace to letting go and today's is the excitement of saying "hello" and beginning again. It is snowing for the second time in 3 days. Tuesday we got 4". I havent even had a chance to put my porch furniture away and it is time to put up the Christmas lights, sheesh. The snow makes me feel like hunkering down in front of the fire and writing again, so that is exciting. My best thinking is in the morning. Even though my biorhythms say I am at 0% intellectual, I better get my butt to work. I was thinking of my next horse story. It is about my horse Buckwheat that passed away last fall at 34 years old. She shared my life for over 22 years. I didnt want her because she was so plain looking. No "chrome". What a dunce I was then. It makes for a good story, how Spirit literally put her in my barn and I had no choice but to spend time with her. Best thing that could have ever happened. Later!

Old Beliefs

I had a disagreement with someone last week. I was amazed at how quickly my buttons were pushed. All of these old, familiar emotions came rushing to the forefront. How far back do these emotions come from, I wondered? Why was I affected by his judgment of me? Instead of letting it roll off, my instinct was to defend and retaliate. That is not the person I am choosing to be.


A vision came to my mind. I saw myself standing on a hill facing my opponent. We were both dressed in Gladiator or Roman soldier attire. We were only about an arm's length from each other, almost toe to toe. Behind us were battalions of men. These men were willing to fight to the death to defend our position. My soldiers ranged in age, in size, in color and weight. As I looked behind me, at them, I realized who they were. These men were my old beliefs, ready to take offense at the slightest gesture.

Each of these beliefs came from my past. Some were from my childhood, some from my days at college, some from past relationships, and some from a particularly difficult work experience. They stood there encouraging me to fight, letting me know that they would be right beside me, willing to defend me and relish the fight.

I do not wish to match wits, to prove my valor, to be right. I know who I am. I looked once again into the eyes of my foe. In my heart, I did not wish to harm him. He had his own set of beliefs pushing him forward. I laid down my sword; I removed my helmet and shed my armor. I turned away and walked away from the hill as my soldiers faded into the air. I had no use for them now.

Is it our ego that pushes our buttons and thrusts us into conflict? I know that our soul seeks union and harmony. I am going to be on the watch for these soldiers who rise up to defend me and yet separate me from others. I do not wish them in my camp anymore. I have seen who they really are.

Another Montana Day

Another gorgeous day in Montana. We rode to the top of the mountain that lover looks the farm and all of Flathead Valley. The low lying clouds are actually smoke from wild fires in Utah. Things are getting dangerously dry here but luckily no fires on our side of the mountains yet. Lakota is getting to be a terrific trail horse. We have spent a lot of time together this summer.

Energy vampires

I was listening to a webinar the other day and it has spawned a few thoughts. It was a discussion about energy and the human body. The woman said that dark and light cannot exist in the same space, just like negative and positive does not exist in the same space. She compared a room with a light bulb; it is on or off, to a couple – one positive and the other negative. When a person is being negative, he finds an upbeat, optimistic person jarring to his nerves. His energy is depleted. He does not appreciate all of the high vibration energy the other person is exuding. Since both energies cannot exist in the same space, something has to shift. The negative person begins pushing the buttons of the positive person. If the positive person can stay centered there is no exchange. One of them will probably leave the space. If the positive person gets drawn into the baiting, she will begin having a charge. This is how the negative person drains energy off the positive person. It can only happen if they can get the other person fired up.


We’ve all felt this. Some people just suck the life out of us. We are going along happy and peaceful and a person, in a low energy state, can manage to take us right out of that place. The next thing we know is that we are feeling as low as them. Now we are both negative.

The trick is to recognize what is happening. If we understand that they are just low on energy, we can help them make their own and not need to sap energy from anyone else. Ask them if they are willing to feel better. If so, start having them think about the things they love – their children, nature, pets – anything to help them shift to a higher frequency. Love is the highest vibration. They will begin to raise their own energy. Once they feel more whole you can both be positive and happy.

Realize this when someone negative is in your space. #1. Don’t get drawn in by their attack. #2. If they are willing to be positive, then help them by making suggestions to raise their energy. If they want to stay negative, disengage and walk away. You are not helping them by allowing them to drain your energy. The only way to truly be of service is to be an example of positive vibration.

Montana Folk Music Festival

Last weekend was the Montana Folk Music Festival in Butte, MT. For anyone that has not seen this, it was amazing. I couldnt get over the diversity and quality of the music. This is a Native American Honor Song. http://montanafolkfestival.com/ I have many videos, but am having a hard time getting them to load. There was music from Russia, Japan, Slovakia, the Appalachian Mountains, Swing from Austin, old time Rock and Roll from Memphis, the Blues, Native American drummers, Salsa from Puerto Rico, Cajun Zydeco and Celtic Music. The dance floor was always hopping. At least 5 stages were filled from noon until 11:00 pm each day. My good friend, Rob Johnson, retired Ravalli agent, was a gallant escort.

I'd highly recommend this event.

Heaven

Doesn't this look like a bit of heaven to you? It does to me. It is the sky over my cabin last night. Maybe it just easier in Montana to be aware of the sky and all the signs of nature. These clouds, with the last rays of sun bathing them, prove to me that the world is a glorious place and that we are loved and cared for. This  beauty is captivating; it stops us in our tracks if we let it. The stress of our day melts away in the majesty of this moment. I am serene and calm as I watch them float over me. Gratitude fills my being and I know that everything is in perfect order and as it should be even though I may not be able to see what is around the next corner. It will be alright.

Glacier Symphony

http://www.gscmusic.org/concerts/view/harbor-village-raffle-kick-off-summer-pops-event

Tonight ought to be amazing: the big sky of Montana, the long evening hours, gorgeous weather, a harbor on Flathead Lake, fine wine, a symphony and a gourmet bbq. I wonder if I'll hear St.Peter? News at 11:00.

Blue birds

I love my blue birds. They have taken up residence in the birdhouse along the back fence. Every evening the Mr. and the Mrs. follow me around the backyard. They sit on the clothes line or the electric wire or wherever they can watch my activities. Tonight the speckle breasted baby almost let me get close enough to touch him. He dips and twirls right around my head.  Each night I bid them buenos noches at 10:00 pm when I am ready for my shower and they are still enjoying the waning light. I wonder how much later they stay up.


I was pondering the other day how they came to be blue. Blue is not a camouflage color.


I think they are here to bring me joy, the blue birds of happiness.  A bald eagle flew beside my car yesterday as I inspected hay fields for weeds. Hummingbirds swarm my front porch all day and compete for the feeders I put out. I wake to songbirds as the sun peeks over the mountains each morning. The birds of Montana fill me with gratitude and make me smile.

Taking time to smell the roses

The evening is warm and my front porch welcoming after a long day. The roses that edge my driveway and cabin entrance are humming with bumblebees and hummingbirds. Each night I accomplish another project around my home, last night -potting my flowers, the night before -mowing the lawn....again. Tonight I am just allowing myself to rest and enjoy the hour before the sun dips behind the mountain and the temperature drops once more. We all have lists of tasks that is never ending. Once we check off a job, we add four more to the list. Tomorrow is a very big day for me at my job, a chance for me to showcase the research I have been doing with the cherry growers. Tonight I rest.

If I had it all

I was allowing myself a little daydream as I drove home from work today. I thought about what life would be like if I had all the money I wanted, the partner I dream of, the house overlooking the water that I imagine....if only I had those things I would be able to write stories full time. I would write and exercise and eat healthy food prepared with time and energy.

Really? I had to stop myself right there. If I had all the money I wanted, I'd be floating around the Mediterranean on an amazing yacht or in some other exotic land tasting the pleasures of life. Maybe I would write if I ever became bored. I’m sure I would have the best of intentions but what would be the motivation? Would I be prompted to write or paint or express myself?

I think of famous artists and authors who have endured heartaches and devastation. Their imaginative novels and paintings have been an outlet for their passions and pain. Our trials and tribulations provide a wellspring of material to draw upon for inspired works. It is our desire and our quest for more that spurs us ever onward. It is the times when we have conquered our fears or fallen in love or had an economic collapse that can provide the experience to produce something truly grand.

I wonder why that is. Does it make us feel closer to others to share our experiences? Is it an emotional release to create something from nothing? Is it our caring for others that impels us to make an object of beauty for others to enjoy? More to ponder for another night.

Characters

We are here on this planet for the experience. Our soul has orchestrated with other souls situations and dramas that allow us to experience all types of emotions. When we are not in a human body, it is all light and love; we are in complete union with our Creator.   On Earth, we feel the illusion of separation. We can experience what we are not.

We can manifest rage, rejection, hatred, humiliation and a sundry of other uncomfortable emotions. These emotions we cannot feel once we have transitioned.  We can continue to do this until we decide to make other choices. The decision is ours alone. Sometimes I truly question decisions I have made and yet when I look back, I have to think – “wow, I must have really wanted to feel that emotion deeply, what a great job I did inviting in all the right characters. Those characters played their roles perfectly.”

You cant feel betrayal to its maximum unless you have loved completely  and then had your loved one turn to another in dishonesty. You cant feel humiliation until all of your friends and family have learned of something that you did not want them to know. You cant know rage or heart ache unless a character comes to help you experience this emotion.

These negative emotions melt away in the light of wisdom. When you realize that your soul has arranged these situations and you have chosen to have these emotions in response you can make another choice. You can bless the characters as they arrive and say, “No, thank you. I have had this experience, I have felt these emotions and I choose to not do that again. I choose to only bring in characters that allow me to experience peace and harmony.” Your soul will probably bring in a few more to make sure you are solid in your choice. We came here to experience and as we see our part as director, we set a course to a life more in line with the life we have on the other side. We can come closer and closer to that life of love, light and a union with our Creator.

An excellent read is Neale Donald Walsh’s Little Soul and the Sun. He describes this concept in his children's book. I just love it.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1571740872?ie=UTF8&tag=enlightnetwor-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1571740872

Fish

Ok, so I have some friends that keep tellling me I should try online dating to meet new people. I thought, "what the heck, you can look at photos for free." So I put in my zip code and age range and looked at some photos of men in my area. I just have one question...why do so many men have a photo of themselves with a stringer of fish? Is this supposed to attract women or other sportsmen? Does this say, "honey, I can bring home food, dont you worry, or no matter what you want me to do with you, sweetie, I'm going fishing, or I have the biggest fish and I can prove it? I guess I'll leave that for some other ladies to figure out. For now, I'm not bitin'. 

What I would miss

If I should leave Montana, I would miss these June evenings. It is still dusk at 11:00pm and when I wake at 3:30 am I can see the dawn beginning to rise. I admit it was not easy getting used to going to bed while the sun was still up my first summer here. Natives laughed at my weary appearance. I was still out working in the yard on projects at 9:00 and hadnt had supper. That alarm seemed to ring pretty early when it took forever to fall asleep. I love the hummingbirds and  bluebirds  nesting in my yard. I am thrilled with the flowers I have planted around this cabin the past four years. Each year they try to out grow and perform each other. First it is the daffodils and tulips, then the iris, poppies and peonies, next lupines, delphiniums, lilies, hydrangeas and roses, last are the rudbekia and coreopsis. I'm sure I've missed a few in my list but I enjoy them all. My favorite time is on a weekend morning, coffee  in hand ,just as the sun comes over the mountain, when the grass is still wet with dew - to sit with my barefeet on the retaining wall and listen to nothing but the finches at the feeder or the turkeys on the hill. Sometimes the coyotes have not gone to bed and their yipping rolls down the hill. I sit among my flowers behind my cabin and bask in the early morning rays. This is my church and my time to give thanks for all of my blessings.

Sunflowers, snapdragons, blanket flowers, rudbeckias - late summer color.

Sweet cherry research

Sometimes I think my life has got to slow down. There are just too many great things to do in the world. I picked up my cherry growers, Tom, Bruce and Joe at 6:00 am after getting to bed after the cattle drive after 11:00. Back up at 4:00 to get ready and meet the guys. Helping the Flathead Lake cherry growers with research that mitigates their risk has been very rewarding to me. The cherry variety trials are now in their third year and we should see fruit this year. At the end of this month will be a field day where we showcase these trials to all 150 growers on the lake. Exciting times. Not everyone shares my enthusiasm for this research but that is ok. Sometimes you have to do what you know is right in your heart.

Bruce Johnson, me, Tom Lawrence and Joe Hurst
 at the WSU experiment station in Prosser, WA

Driving cattle

Waiting for the cows

Dave Brandt's cattle drive is a great annual event. We push the cows about 12 miles up past Roger's Lake. This year we had 13 riders and 23 cow/calf pairs. Someone joked about "everyone just pick a cow". It's a fun time even if it poured rain. Lakota decided to be afraid of water...again... even after we thought we were over that...another story for the relationship - horse section, I think. Just when you think you have a problem licked, it comes back to test you one more time. She was super with the cows; we had several escapees in the woods that had to be driven back. My horse doesnt fit between those lodge poles as well as some of the smaller ones. The end of the ride culminates with hot sirloin stew, fresh bicuits and Flathead cherry cobbler cooked in dutch ovens over the campfire. I got home about 10:00pm then packed for an early trip to Prosser, WA for the cherry research update.

Back to reality

Daily market in Zagreb, Croatia

The trip was amazing. I've never been to that part of Europe before. I forgot how much I love the feel of the narrow streets, the ancient walls of forts and cathedrals, the open air markets, the fresh bakeries on every corner and the cobblestone streets  of Europe. Croatia had this wonderful blend of mediteranean and Italian architecture, Slovenia was very Bavarian.



We did a lot of wine, brandy and olive oil tasting. This was at the Zagreb University winery.
I have to talk to MSU about this idea.

Faculty from Zagreb University, Maribor University and our Montana University discussed potential  student exchange programs. We looked at these opportunities from research and extension perspectives. Our group toured honey bee, cherry, apple, hops and grape research areas.



UNESCO World Heritage Site, 200 year old vineyard.



Packing

It's off to Croatia tomorrow morning. I have mastered the fine art of bundle packing, onebag.com, we'll see if it really keeps the creases out. New cold hardy wine grape trials established last week. cherry flowering data collected on variety trials, master gardeners working on their projects - perfect timing. I'll be observing agriculture in Croatia and looking for possible collaborative opportunities between MSU and a university over there. My director said I would be wine tasting as part of the tour, darn :)
If I can get to a computer, I'll be adding photos as we go. Until later....