Wednesday, January 21, 2015

40 days

This has been an interesting start to the year. On the full moon, that kicked off this new year of the rabbit, I began writing a 40 day journal. Each morning I rise between 5:00 and 5:30 am, light a candle, and pull out my new workbook. I list all the things I am grateful for and all the things I would like to bring into my life. I sit in the stillness in front of the wood fire and see my reflection dancing on the window panes. I am 21 days into my 40 days endeavor. Jesus was in the desert 40 days and 40 nights. He sought clarity. Each morning I become more sure of my purpose and my direction. My writing has been directed at the process of uncovering hidden belief systems that block my progress. I am amazed at my daily revelations. "If I have more, someone has less. If I get something, someone else goes without. I dont need a grand house, just a roof over my head. Dont be selfish. Who do you think you are? You are to be seen and not heard. No one wants to hear your opinion."

As this new moon tonight conjuncts my house of creativity, I feel my writing wanting to spring forth once more. I have spent 3 weeks in quiet reflection, a wonderful way to spend the long nights. I am half way through my experiment. I feel more connected and more alive. Each day, I do my best to bring this energy to my workplace. I will keep you posted on my process. Love is all around us. It is my job to remove the blocks that I have built that keep it out. I am taking down my walls brick by brick, stone by stone. I've been hiding behind them since childhood. I saw myself as a child, hiding under a heavy wool blanket under the dining room table. I was afraid of the dark and all alone. All at once, the blanket fell off and I was dazzled by the fact that my father was in his winged back chair in the living room next to me and I never knew he was there reading. The lights glowed peacefully and I climbed into his lap. The darkness had been my own doing. I was afraid because I did not know that I was never really alone.

I cant wait to find out what other mysteries I will discover on this journey.

Monday, January 12, 2015


It has been an interesting start to 2015. I have been absorbed by the energy of stillness. There is a power in the quiet, some underlying courage. The snow has been piling up the cabin walls as it slides off the tin roof. There are white banks as high as my kitchen window and the path to my door is beginning to look like a labyrinth of twisting tunnels. My pen and I have been silent. It is a period of rest and recharging. My mornings are spent reflecting and envisioning. I stretch my legs in front of the fire and snug my afghan around me. The break in office duties was welcome during the holidays. The feeling of calm has persisted, which is strange, yet wonderful. The calm before the storm,maybe? No, I think more the resting before the launch. This year is full of promise and opportunity. I am wondering if I am just more accepting of the flow this year. The long nights are welcomed instead of being endured. I go to bed early, tucked into my flannel sheets, allowing myself to rejuvenate and dream deeply. The endless summer days will be here soon enough. They will be filled with outdoor activities and home maintenance. Sleep will not be a priority then. So for now, I am content to enjoy the solitude, shovel once more and settle in with a book for a change. 

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy New Year

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something.”

― Neil Gaiman