I had rented a tiny cottage in Cape Town, South Africa. It was the last segment of a solitary trip that had taken me from the Kalahari Desert to the precipice of Table Top Mountain. The rainy season had settled in on this southernmost tip of the continent. Sheets of rain pelted the windows of the bungalow as I sat curled up on the sofa. No phone, no computer, no television, and no place to go. If I had wanted to find myself, then here I was. No distractions, just me face to face with me. I wondered how I got here and why? I had just survived an incredible ordeal in the desert alone with a disreputable guide. Thousands of hectares of nothing but sand and scrub trees were the only witness to the intended assault. What was I thinking? I had been so trusting and vulnerable. How had I allowed myself to be in that predicament? What force had protected me?
Now far from the desert, while I sat in the safety and comfort of the cottage, I kept hearing a faint line pass through my mind, “Seek healing in unexpected places.” Anyplace around here would be unexpected, I imagined. What was that supposed to mean? Where was I supposed to go? I paced around the house. With nothing else to do, I could walk into town to get something to eat or find a computer to check in with the states. I donned a raincoat and headed down the steep hill into town, the refrain to seek healing still playing through my head. My favorite expression directed at the Universe is to state, “Show me a burning bush. Don’t make me guess.” Wind whipped the rain in torrents and it quickly soaked my jeans and shoes. I trudged on. Laughing out loud, I read a purple sign in front of a house, that clearly spelled out, “Energetic Healing.” “OK” I said to the Universe, “I’ll play.” I walked up to the door and knocked. A man answered and said, “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you. My car won’t start and my afternoon appointment cancelled, so I figured someone must be stopping by”.
His name was Alan Davies. It was an amazing afternoon of conversation and drinking tea. I told him, “I don’t even know why I am here. This is crazy.” He asked me, “How far do you have to go to run away from who you really are?” It was pretty amusing that Cape Town is about as far as you can get from my home on a globe. “You are a healer. You have a gift. Your mother and your grandmother had the power and they gave it away. You are running away from yours.” I was aghast. I refuted his statement. “What am I supposed to do? Hang out a sign?” He replied, “I did and you came.” That shut me up. I told him I had just spent the last five years completing a Ph.D. This does not compute with my logical mind. Alan reminded me of how many young women had sat at my table drinking tea while we were all students at Cornell. He explained that I had been gifting them with so much more than tea. Most of them were the same age as my daughters. I had been helping them recognize their power.
During my discussion with Alan, I realized that I was in the midst of growing into my power, my own sense of worth and ability. This is what I was doing at 50 years old. This was the answer to my questioning and traipsing around the world.
As a child, I had grown up in an environment that stripped that from me. The women in my life had relinquished all power and expected me to follow that path. The religious teachings I had received reinforced that edict. Here was a man telling me that I was powerful and that my role was to share that with others. We all have an inner power. We all have an inner knowing. It’s a peeling away of our conditioning that frees us to see and embrace this power, to know the Divine is in us and not somewhere in a far off heaven.
It’s almost ten years later and I see how profound that meeting was. My greatest rewards have been helping someone else be successful, find their confidence, realize their potential. Sometimes, it is as simple as educating a person about the needs of a plant in order for them to grow their own fruits and vegetables. Sometimes, it’s helping a student perform a persuasive speech or complete a winning job application. More often than not, it’s assisting a fellow adult to see that we are only trapped in our mind. There is always another way of seeing a situation. If we can let go of expectations and attachments, we can surrender to our inner power and the greater part of ourselves that holds a deeper wisdom. Eckhart Tolle says that, “We are never upset for the reasons we think we are.” Often it is something that happened a long time ago and an event has triggered the old wound. Accepting and surrendering to life as it is can feel like giving up, but in truth it takes a great deal of courage. It is the greatest challenge of the Spiritual Warrior, to stand in our own power and know we are alright without controlling the outcome. Once we have come to own our inner strength, there are limitless ways to share this with those that are experiencing uncertainty.
I have witnessed people I respect over the years give this gift to others.
I watched my friend take the two ends of the baling twine and cross them over, first right over left and then left over right. He pulled the string taut and behold, a perfect knot. “Now you try it,” he said to the young man sitting on the bale of hay with his legs dangling off the trailer’s edge. The youth struggled to keep the twine under control. He dropped it not once, but several times before getting the first twist accomplished. “Great job, keep at it. You’ve almost got it this time,” said his enthusiastic teacher. “Don’t give up now.” Concentration and coordination were failing as the handicapped boy tried again. His eyes began following the path the dog was taking and his focus left the string. “Come on. Let’s try it together. I know you can do it.” The young man looped the ends once more and this time when he pulled the twine, the knot held its position. He beamed with pride. A simple twist of a string had boosted his confidence and left him with a sense of accomplishment. The kindness of the mentor had enabled the boy to reach a new level of achievement.
The woman was terrified of her horse. She had experienced a traumatic fall some years previous and had not been able to conquer her fear. I was there the day the trainer led the woman’s horse and encouraged her to get onboard. The rider climbed up, outfitted with a helmet and a flak jacket. Slowly the horse walked around the outside of the round pen, while the passenger clung to the mane and reins. Around and around the trainer led the horse until the woman began to breathe a little easier. She began to sit up a little straighter in her saddle. It was a first step toward overcoming the anxiety that had kept her grounded. The trainer could not erase the terror but she could help the woman reclaim her power.
At Cornell University, a common ailment is the “imposter syndrome.” I was a middle aged divorcee attempting upper level graduate degrees at Cornell University. Who did I think I was studying and working on a PhD? Who was I kidding? Someday, someone would find out that I wasn’t that smart and that I had no right to be there. I was just a mom and I must have gotten lost somewhere along the way. In the midst of one of those self-flagellation tirades, I met a professor emeritus in the education department. He was 85 years old and still teaching classes. Verne had published more text books than all of the other professors in the department combined. He didn’t care that he hadn’t been paid in 20 years, he taught for the love of his students. Maybe he could see my self-doubt, but for whatever reason he assigned himself to be my guide. We would meet for a sack lunch in the arboretum on a bench. He’d ask me about my classes and my daughters. Verne was always there explaining his latest science experiment or his latest research paper. He became my hero, 40 years my senior, and he was still coaching the track team and inspiring fledgling science teachers. He couldn’t do the work for me but he could be an understanding ear. He described his own challenges when he was a student and during his academic career. His faith in my abilities encouraged me when my conviction flagged. With Verne as my support, my own research projects blossomed. I don’t know if I would be where I am today without his empowering me along the way.
I know what it is like to feel powerless in the face of a hopeless relationship, financial situation, dead-end career and health crisis. I have been there. With that said, I have also watched amazing, selfless teachers and guides show the way through these dark nights of the soul. They hold the light and raise the vibration, all the while asking and prompting others to find the power that is hidden within. Helping another individual to get up off their knees and embrace their inner strength in the face of adversity is one of life’s grandest rewards. I claim my power for the women in my past and I challenge my daughters to hold on to theirs in humility and self-assurance. Empowerment is a quiet sense of dignity.
Offer a helping hand to those that are lost. When someone feels there is no way out, do not make the way clear for them. Instead, show them, teach them that they have the power to release themselves. Open their minds to alternatives. Power comes from finding the answer within you. Be a living example and shine your light.
