Vulnerability

Head pounding; sluggish; vacillating between chills and heat waves; all the joys of the common cold. For some of us, it is not so common. I average one a year. The timing is when I have succeeded in burning my candle from both ends and the middle. Taking the day off is a favor to my co-workers and clientele. I tell myself I can push through this illness but at what cost? My whole office could be down and out over my stubbornness.


There is a sense of vulnerability that creeps over me as I admit I am not functioning on all cylinders. I wonder if I am picking up on emotions that I possessed in my ancient history. I broke my back in a horse accident a few years ago. My mother flew across country to tend to me in my time of weakness. I said to her one morning, “If this was during the days of the cave men, I would have been left to die. If you stayed to care for me, you probably would have died, too.” Of course, she looked at me as if I had two heads and said she couldn’t figure out where I come up with these thoughts. But, really. Darwinism. The strong survive. The frail are someone’s dinner. Lying on the couch, sneezing, with a head that feels like a scene from The Man in the Iron Mask, brings up the realization I could not run for my life or fight a tiger in this state. I would have to rely on the tribe or someone else. Since I am here alone, I am defenseless.

So, is this is why we created friendships, social circles, partners? To protect us from our helplessness? One day we can be at the peak of our strength and intellect and the next day, at the mercy of our environment. I recognize that this cold will pass in a couple days and I will be back on full power. An illness is a wonderful reminder to never take for granted our health. Aries and the cats will watch over me as I mend. I am grateful for my stocked freezer and warm, cozy cabin. Back to the sofa I go.