Professionals

I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he stepped off the back of the trailer. He was sleek and his black coat gleamed in the sun. At 17 hands, I could not see over his back as he glided by and into his stall. London was my dream-come-true. Fresh from the race track, he appeared to be more like a gangly teenager than a dressage prospect. The veterinarian that had examined him advised me to get him up another 400 -500 lbs. before the next time he visited. Racing weight is the term that is used for this condition. He would soon be eating 12 quarts a day of sweet feed with his hay to get enough calories.

The first time I tacked him up in my flat seat and road him down a trail, he snorted at every tree and leaf. Here I was perched on top of this behemoth that was jittering like a child. He had only known the track. The woods and pond and all the creatures were new to him. He looked and blew but walked on. He stepped over logs and trampled branches. It was another story when we rounded the corner and he could see a long expanse of dirt road that led back to the barn. It was a perfect curve - smooth and flat. I could sense in an instant what was passing through his brain yet it was too late to haul him in. His feet flew across the ground. I grabbed mane and tucked myself low. If I had one rein pullied him, I could have yanked him over and crashed. We floated above the road and the distance vanished in a second. He came to a complete stop at the top of the hill and seemed exhilarated. I could feel his joy at getting to stretch his legs again. I got off with legs of jelly and kissed the ground.

London was a bouncing, baby boy. He was kind and gentle. He was learning all the time. I trucked him to a show barn to take lessons once a week. The professional horse trainer kept criticizing me and telling me that I did not know how to train a young horse. I could tell when London was afraid and wished to work him through it calmly. Like a child, it does not help to scream and beat a horse when they are afraid. Getting ready for a big show one month, the trainer encouraged me to keep London at the show barn to get more schooling. Only a couple days into the month, I made my daily visit to find London covered in whip marks on his flanks. He was still trembling and had dried sweat on his chest. I ran to the trainer to find out what had occurred and he said he had pushed London to jump higher and get his feet up. I walked him out of his stall and noticed a definite stiffness in his gait. A veterinarian call later, I was to learn that London had “hunter’s bump”. He had a subluxation of the sacroiliac joint. This injury was caused by trauma, the over fencing and a possible fall or twist.

My instinct had been right! This would not have happened if I had trusted my gut and not let myself be told I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew my horse. London had not been avoiding work or been lazy. He required a consistent, tender touch not a whip and spurs. Now I was facing the possibility that my new investment would never regain his fluid gate or jump again. This because I assumed a paid professional knew more than me.

When I was at Cornell, I took the most amazing class called Epistemology, how we come to know what we know. It was fascinating. How we gain knowledge changes as we develop. Some people remain at the authoritative stage where they accept whatever someone in authority tells them or they move on and eventually learn to take bits of information from many sources and synthesize it into something unique and personal. I thought everyone went through these stages and I was to learn that is not true.

We are ultimately responsible for our own knowledge. I was trying to lose weight for a wedding. I exercised at the gym on a treadmill every night after work. I ate less and less each day. My doctor kept telling me eat less, exercise more. Eventually, he put me on diet pills since the weight would not budge. With a few weeks, I was in the hospital with a racing heart rate. I was drugged and connected to a myriad of wires and alarms. My family was called and I could see the fear on everyone’s face. My heart was so quick to jump out of rhythm; I was not allowed to even get up for the restroom. How could this happen? Several weeks later, I was to learn on my own, that I had metabolic syndrome that is caused by not eating enough and over exertion. Without food, each time I stepped on that treadmill, I was tearing apart heart tissue. Within four weeks of adding clean carbs to my diet like fruit and vegetables, my heart was back to normal. I read books and hired a food coach. My heart repaired itself and I lost weight through strength training and adding more protein and carbs to my daily regime.

I have gone to counselors during stressful times. I hire tax accountants when needed. I read books, listen to experts, and watch documentaries. These experts add interesting insights and perspectives. I talk over issues with family and friends when I have decisions to make. Ultimately I know the choices are mine. I prefer to gather a variety of opinions and thoughts then digest them for a while. I am not much of a follower and prefer to create my own version of what is right for me. I am learning to listen to my inner knowing more and more. I am respectful of other’s opinions. I know they are offering their best advice from their own experience and point of reference. Even though they have the best of intentions, no one can know what is best for me. It does not matter what kind of paper hangs on their wall or how long they have walked this earth. No one knows what is best for me better than I know myself. When a friend asks my advice, I can share something that I have experienced, or what I have learned for me. I cannot know what is best for my friend. I can only ask the questions that may help them see their answer more clearly. I can support him/her with love and understanding but I do not have the answer.

I caution you to consider the advice of professionals or experts carefully. Some people consider me an expert on certain topics. I tell people, “This has been my experience, or I have seen this.” Then I add that there are many more theories, more trials, and more results out there. Talk to diverse people. Accumulate ideas and sit with them. See what resonates with you. Don’t let anyone intimidate you and tell you that you don’t know what is best for you. Trust in yourself and your process. This will come as you love and respect yourself. Listen to your inner voice. Being paid to do something does not make an individual more qualified to assist you than someone that cares for you. How many marriage counselors are divorced? How many financial advisors have been bankrupt? Does this make them more or less qualified to give advice? I’d say “no”. Just keep your eyes open.

“Know Thyself” inscribed on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in ancient Greece.

Only you can know what true for you. It is your movie. It is your life. Create and be happy.