Sunday, February 16, 2014

Pink Moon





He invited me to watch the Pink Moon rise over the Swan Mountains with him. I did not know that the full moon in April had such a designation. We walked along the lakeshore observing the snowcaps bathed in the rosy rays of sunset. A great horned owl gazed silently at our progression along the dike. He and I came to rest on a grassy slope that afforded a view of the marshland. The trill of the red winged blackbirds surrounded us. A pair of Canada geese honked overhead. Ducks sought refuge among the reeds. Deep blue clouds floated in to rest atop the peaks in the east. Who would win out, the formations or the long awaited Pink Moon? We waited in silence filled with the tranquility of the moment. The last of the sun’s rays lit golden on the cattails as the chill of the damp earth eventually worked its way through our jeans. The clouds were winning but the moon remained steady in its ascent. He reached for me and held me close, his hands stroking my hair. Then a tentative kiss. The sand hill crane croaked its prehistoric call. Confidence rising, melting, giving, receiving – laughter and tenderness. The moon eventually rose above the clouds but long after I had returned to my cabin. The Pink Moon is forever etched upon my heart even though I did not see it with my eyes.

This snippet from my journal reminds me of the reason why I am so grateful for my life. I read this passage and am transported to this treasured moment. The savory deliciousness of each encounter in my past is engraved on my heart. I am fortunate to have experienced the thrill and exhilaration of potential love. The magic of these moments does not fade whether I am 16 or 60. This is the frosting on the cake of my life.

Being a romantic is not for cowards. To enjoy the moment means opening and allowing the connection for all that can be. If I didn’t release my fear and allow myself to bond with this man, I would have denied myself the pleasure of this instant. The length of time that this union endures, does not define the value. If preoccupation with security and protection is foremost, we block all feelings behind walls of trepidation. How can we breathe in his scent and hear his heartbeat when we are fixated on the possibility that he may one day leave? How can he find us, if we insist on hiding?

Be bold. Be vulnerable. What is at risk? What is heartbreak? Heartbreak is when you have assigned a function to another person and they did not live up to the role you desired. You say to them, “I need you to fulfill this need for me or I will be …despondent, depressed, angry, ill...take your pick.” How does it feel to have someone put those conditions on you? I am responsible for my happiness. My partner can certainly add to that pleasure but I am ultimately in charge of my life and how I view it.

I choose to remember what I brought to the scenario. I brought an open, willing heart. I was generous and kind. I was playful and innocent. These emotions feel wonderful. I did not act or pretend; I was totally myself. I love the way I felt. I cannot know how another is interpreting my actions or words. I cannot dictate his actions nor would I want to. My security is my own. I know who I am going into this situation and I will be the same person if it continues or ends. I trust me. When I have loved honestly, willingly without expectation, I am being my authentic self. I accept the other unconditionally. If the Other decides to walk on another path, he is not taking anything away from me. I am more because I have known him. I have learned about me in the process. My spiritual progress is gauged by my ability to see his holiness at all times. I honor and respect him in light of my own personal desires. Sometimes, I disappoint myself when I have allowed emotions to blur my sight. My sister reminds me that, “I don’t walk on water”. I tell her, “I am in my human suit doing the best I can”. I am a work in process.

I bless each person I have had the pleasure of knowing. I continue to grow with each new relationship. My strongest wish is to encourage us all to continue to reach out to others. Be available. We cannot serve the world or find true joy unless we share who we are. Happiness shared is multiplied over and over exponentially. Hold your brother’s hand. Express yourself. Allow yourself to love and receive love from everyone you meet. Be the light. Please, come out and play. There is nothing to lose unless you make it so. Show up in the world. Show off your talents. Excitement is a magnet. Passion is contagious. We are here for such a short time in relation to eternity. Let’s not waste a moment being afraid that someone may not like us or approve of our haircut. Grab your roller skates. I’ll pack a picnic. Let’s set off for the next big adventure and see what the next moon holds in store for us.

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