I took a leap of faith and joined an on-line dating service for three months. Twenty four matches a day is quite a lot of reading material. Admittedly, I was never able to keep up and read them all. In the first month, I thought it was amusing to look at all the profiles and pick out the misspellings, the lack of grammar, the ridiculous photographs and the hilarious code names. I was and am considering starting up a business to help men create a compelling story for their site.
The second month, I stopped finding humor in the profiles and began seeing something underneath the verbiage. I had also conversed with a few people by email. Now I am a couple weeks away from the end of my membership and have a gained a profound awareness. It goes way beyond the spiritual phrase, “We are all One.”
I feel the longing and loneliness in the profiles. I can sense the separateness and distance we feel from each other. We, as humans, share the same desires. Each one of us wants to find a person to acknowledge us, to validate our emotions, to support our decisions and to respect our uniqueness. We yearn for physical touch, the intimacy of holding hands, snuggling in bed and sexual fulfillment. Each of us wishes for a warm welcome when we return home. We fill our lives with hobbies and pets, work and social gatherings. We do these things, while holding onto the dream that someone special is out there for us.
What are we doing to make that person welcome in our life? What if we really met that individual today? We know, or think we know, what we are looking for. Are we actually able to be all that for another person? We want someone who will support us if we are sick, or lose our job, or have a family crisis – someone we can trust and depend on. Are we that person? We want someone who is loyal and honest. Do we walk our truth? We are looking for someone who tends to our sexual needs and requests. Are we willing to do that for our lover? We want someone to smile and kiss us when we walk in the door. Will we do that? We are searching for someone that will appreciate all our quirkiness, the unusual ways we have of expressing ourselves and our different habits. Are we able to stop judging our partner and give that in return?
Understanding that we have the same underlying needs may help us look at another person with new vision. Have you taken the time to learn how to give what another needs and not what makes you happy? Have you taken the time to acknowledge that your partner is not going to complete you but will expand you? Are you willing to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone?
Relationships are about experiencing who we really are. We can tell ourselves certain things and write them on our profile – for example – I am generous; I am trustworthy; I am romantic. Would our last partner say that? Were we loyal and honest? No saying, “Well, I would have been except…or I was honest until… it got too difficult.” We are only lying to ourselves here. Relationships give us the opportunity to be all that we can be. They are like a meter to measurement of our lives. Am I really generous or only if I get something in exchange? Am I able to love unconditionally or do I love only if the person matches my expectations?
After all this examination of on-line dating and profiles, the one thing I realize is that we actually all want the same things. We may word it differently or express it differently but it is fundamentally the same. Be kind, be open, be all that you wish to receive. You may be fortunate to have a partner in your life right now. If you are disgruntled, look within. What kind of companion are you? Would you want to be with you? Simply be all that you long for. Love without judgment or expectation. Tis the season for joy and goodwill towards all men. Love yourself and your partner the way that God loves you, without limits or conditions.
The second month, I stopped finding humor in the profiles and began seeing something underneath the verbiage. I had also conversed with a few people by email. Now I am a couple weeks away from the end of my membership and have a gained a profound awareness. It goes way beyond the spiritual phrase, “We are all One.”
I feel the longing and loneliness in the profiles. I can sense the separateness and distance we feel from each other. We, as humans, share the same desires. Each one of us wants to find a person to acknowledge us, to validate our emotions, to support our decisions and to respect our uniqueness. We yearn for physical touch, the intimacy of holding hands, snuggling in bed and sexual fulfillment. Each of us wishes for a warm welcome when we return home. We fill our lives with hobbies and pets, work and social gatherings. We do these things, while holding onto the dream that someone special is out there for us.
What are we doing to make that person welcome in our life? What if we really met that individual today? We know, or think we know, what we are looking for. Are we actually able to be all that for another person? We want someone who will support us if we are sick, or lose our job, or have a family crisis – someone we can trust and depend on. Are we that person? We want someone who is loyal and honest. Do we walk our truth? We are looking for someone who tends to our sexual needs and requests. Are we willing to do that for our lover? We want someone to smile and kiss us when we walk in the door. Will we do that? We are searching for someone that will appreciate all our quirkiness, the unusual ways we have of expressing ourselves and our different habits. Are we able to stop judging our partner and give that in return?
Understanding that we have the same underlying needs may help us look at another person with new vision. Have you taken the time to learn how to give what another needs and not what makes you happy? Have you taken the time to acknowledge that your partner is not going to complete you but will expand you? Are you willing to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone?
Relationships are about experiencing who we really are. We can tell ourselves certain things and write them on our profile – for example – I am generous; I am trustworthy; I am romantic. Would our last partner say that? Were we loyal and honest? No saying, “Well, I would have been except…or I was honest until… it got too difficult.” We are only lying to ourselves here. Relationships give us the opportunity to be all that we can be. They are like a meter to measurement of our lives. Am I really generous or only if I get something in exchange? Am I able to love unconditionally or do I love only if the person matches my expectations?
After all this examination of on-line dating and profiles, the one thing I realize is that we actually all want the same things. We may word it differently or express it differently but it is fundamentally the same. Be kind, be open, be all that you wish to receive. You may be fortunate to have a partner in your life right now. If you are disgruntled, look within. What kind of companion are you? Would you want to be with you? Simply be all that you long for. Love without judgment or expectation. Tis the season for joy and goodwill towards all men. Love yourself and your partner the way that God loves you, without limits or conditions.
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