Head Shy

Yesterday when I was out to see my horse, she did not come when called. That will not do. “What? Lakota, you know better than that!” Within 3 minutes I had her obediently walking next to me and coming when called. She just forgot who was alpha for a minute. Anyway, I was picking up some baling twine on the ground near her and as I lifted it quickly, she jumped. I realized she thought I was going to hit her. I have owned her almost 3 years and have never smacked her. I have been working on healing the damage that someone did while “training” her, in her past. I make her obey me without striking her.


People can be a little head shy. Head shy, for non-horse people, is a term for the behavior a horse exhibits when they are trying to protect themselves. A horse may duck or run or rise up and strike, anything to keep us from getting near their head. This behavior comes from a past experience. Someone may have previously grabbed and twisted the horse’s ear or hit them in the head. It could occurred yesterday or 10 years ago. It doesn’t matter to the horse. The fear is the same. This behavior is dangerous to both the rider and the horse if left uncorrected. The horse could hurt the rider while putting on the bridle, could totally flip out on a trail ride if their head gets caught in some branches or could panic in a trailer if their halter gets stuck on the frame.


What do we do in a new relationship when we have been mishandled in the past? We may try and protect ourselves. We don’t know how this new person is going to react to things. We watch for signs. We proceed cautiously. We might duck or guard ourself a little more than we need to, at the beginning, but then trust evolves. We calm down. We relax and stretch our minds and words. Time. Consistency.

We should remember to be kind to ourselves and our new partner. I try to talk to myself the way I would to a best friend. I say, “Hey, you got bumped around and you want to be careful. It’s ok. It’s understandable. He has his memories, too.” If your mate is jumpy, let him have time and your compassion. Don’t get mad. Does it help our horse to get angry or demanding when she is scared? No. We have to get the horse past the fear in order to have a good relationship; it comes with creating confidence and trust. Communicate with your partner. Find out what is behind the apprehension. We can’t do that with our horses - that is ask them. It wouldn’t matter anyway. We have to show them what kind of trainer we are with our actions. We have to demonstrate our intention.
I think exhibiting our intentions is actually a perfect way to start a new relationship. Words come easy. Actions don’t. You can try and convince your new person that you are nothing like they  have experienced in their past. Only when you follow through and be the person you say you are, over time, will trust spring forth. Actions build a strong foundation. Be honest. Be caring. Be romantic. Be loyal. Be what you say you are.

Lakota still ducked after three years. It’s going to happen. I may shy if someone raises their voice at me. We are products of the experiences we have had. Life is our choices. Hopefully, each time we make a choice we choose wisely. If not, we learn from it and we choose again. Our horse can learn to conquer their fears, so can we.