I am sitting, facing my computer, while a war wages within me. “You must write.” “I cant write.” “You can think of something.” “No – I cant.” I listened to a webinar, as I do each day while getting ready for work. The woman said that anyone who is asking the Divine for abundance in love or money must be open to receiving. She said that in the book by Julia Cameron, The Artists Way, there is a lesson for each student. The lesson is to write a love letter to yourself. If you are not able to receive love from yourself, then you are not open to receiving from the Universe. Can you see yourself as worthy and deserving?
I quickly dismissed the idea. I’m sure I could do it if I wanted to. Each time one of my family members celebrates a milestone birthday, I gift them with a writing. For sure, I am able to find something to acknowledge about myself. After all, I will be crossing into the land of 60 in April. For two weeks I have stalled. Ignoring the promptings of my Spirit, I have made life busy and my mind preoccupied. I even folded up the computer and put it out of sight. Waking in the middle of the night, I can feel the test that looms before me. “I don’t have to do this. My Creator knows that I am worthy of love. This proves nothing.” “Ok, then. Do it.”
OK!
“Dear Pat, I like your hair”. No, I can’t say that. It’s permed and colored and really fine. It takes a lot of work to look even presentable. Alright, how about, “I like your eyes”. That sounds like a pick up line at 2:00 am on a Friday night.
Think back to the Valentine you wrote for your love last year. That was truly from the heart. The love you expressed to him brought tears of joy to his eyes. Can you not offer yourself that level of devotion?
I’ll try it again.
Dearest Pat,
If I could hold you, I would show you how much you mean to me. My arms would enfold you and make you feel safe and secure. You would know that I will never let any harm come to you. I will always be right here to love and share my life with you. I will not forsake you.
You mean everything to me - our crazy, rambling conversations; our giggling like children; our supporting each other in times of need; our dreams of the future raising grandchildren and traveling to exotic destinations. I am so grateful for your continual forgiveness and compassion. You allow me to grow and encourage me to become all that I can be. You want the best for me regardless of how that may impact other aspects of your life.
I don’t care about the excess pounds that you agonize over. You are so much more than that. I am inspired by your strength and courage. You are relentless in your pursuit of healing and transformation. Like the Hermit in the Tarot, you lift your lantern and offer a light to others along the path. Your willingness to be vulnerable and share what you learn motivates younger women that follow in your footsteps. So many times, I have seen you fall, but somehow you find the Will to soldier on with your evolution.
I am so proud to call you friend. Everywhere you go and everyone you touch is changed by the loving energy that you vibrate. I see it when we walk through town, build fires in the woods and sit with your animals all around you. The flowers bend to greet you and the hummingbirds hurry back to your front porch each spring. Hawks, pines, lakes and horses all whisper their affection to you.
Never forget how much I love you, the angels love you and the Divine loves you. If you ever feel lonely, open your heart and know I am here. I will be with you until you draw your last breath. I understand that sometimes life can be scary and uncertain. Those are the times I hope you can feel my arms embracing you, reassuring you that it will all be ok. My love is eternal. You have not been forgotten. No matter where you go or what you are doing, I love you.
You are so blessed with amazing daughters, caring family, and a multitude of friends. Realize each day how much has been given to you and stand ready to receive even more. Keep being you. I know you will. We are a team and I am so happy to be with you.
Happy Birthday, Sweetie.
All my love,
Me
“That wasn’t so hard was it?” “No, not entirely. Not once I let go of the conditions I feel I have not met and the goals I have not achieved. I’m OK. I have followed my own path and I’m happy about that.” As I enter the last trilogy of my life, I am content. There are places I’d like to go and things I’d like to do, but overall life is grand as it is. Yes, I am open to receive the abundance that Spirit holds for me. I challenge my readers to complete this exercise, it’s well worth the effort.
1 comment:
Love.
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