The First Date

Big Arm

The search for a partner can be so complicated; blind dates, set ups by friends, on-line match making, chance encounters at parties. Those of us that are single, crave the companionship of a lover, the knowledge that someone waits for us at the end of the day, the opportunity to fuss over someone, the prospect of being all that we can be and being loved for it. We put ourselves out there, emotionally and physically, in order to create the possibility of meeting that special someone. We keep busy; we go to work; we spend time with our hobbies; we talk to family and we build a beautiful life. All the while, waiting. And what happens when we meet someone that just might be compatible?


The heart beats faster when you see him smile than it did from the trepidation you were experiencing when you walked through the door. Could it be occurring? The conversation rolls with intermittent laughter and ease. This is actually enjoyable. You forget about your clothes and your hair and all the minutia that was on your mind as you searched for a parking spot. The cotton mouth dissolves and nerves settle. This is not so bad after all. You breathe a silent sigh of relief.

After a delightful afternoon or evening, that is when it gets tricky. Will he call me again? Did I talk too much? Did I talk too little? All of the self judgments cascade onto this magical moment. Well, what about him? Were there any red flags? He said his ex didn’t trust him.  His ex believed in paranormal pheomena.  She had a horse like mine that was a pain in the butt. Is this a flag for him? Oh my gosh. All of our pasts come rushing in. By the time you are in your 50’s you have acquired some baggage. Is it a carry on or a truck load?

I read once where you should dream of falling in love with an amnesiac. A person that has no history, no memory of painful arguments or betrayal. How amazing would it be to have the innocence of a child? To delight in another person without concern for the outcome. To be able to speak your mind confidently without remembering how another trounced on your opinions. This is what we must choose with every part of our being. If we are not able to stay in the moment, to be present with this new person without the past flooding in, there will be no opportunity for a future. We cant hold back who we are in fear that we may trigger another’s past. On the same hand, we must not jump to conclusions when this person speaks to us in a way that we have heard before.

I do not want to be tried and found guilty of another person’s transgressions. Neither does the person you are learning about. Just because a person’s ex used to spend all their money, does not mean I am that way. If they like to fish, it does not mean that they will be away every weekend.

If you truly want to bring into your life all that you can imagine a companion can be, let them teach you about who they are. Don’t jump ahead and make an assumption based on your history. Be courageous. Allow yourself to be open and straightforward with what makes you tick. You have nothing to lose. If your heart has been beaten and abused, take time to heal it before venturing out with someone new. Do them a favor and yourself by healing and mending first. Go forward with a strong, confident heart and know you will always be ok. Meet potential mates with a pure spirit, untainted and serene. Your partner is your mirror, be sure you want to see what is reflected back to you.