Purpose

I remember the early years of my marriage, when we worked tirelessly on building a home, raising our daughters and planning the future. For decorating ideas we looked at books and magazines, went to home shows, traveled and did a lot of sketching. For years I kept a folder of the clippings and photos we had collected, all of our dreams yellowed and crumpled but still there. I saw the red kitchen with the brick wall that had inspired our red countertops. Our Italian tile had been placed to replicate the look of old polished stone. My husband and I loved the old bed and breakfasts and country inns of Massachusetts and Vermont. Our furniture and antiques reflected those cozy evenings spent by a fire sipping scotch. We had a sense of purpose.

As the years flew by, our world revolved around the girl's sports, dancing, birthday parties, homework and vacations. We did our best to maintain a structured household in spite of an often chaotic seasonal business. The family ate healthy food and had an "old fashioned" set dinner schedule. Our purpose was to raise happy, healthy, successful young women in a loving home.

Our purpose was not discussed. I guess it was implied in everything we did. Maybe it was our age, this is what people do when they are just starting out in their 20's. Well, they did back then. They dream; they create; they build.

So many marriages disintegrate after the children are raised. At Cornell, there were freshman crying all the time about their parents splitting up. They had no idea there was a problem at home. A friend visited me yesterday and was discussing a marriage in the midst of dissolving. The child will be graduating in a year and then there will be no reason to continue, according to this source. The same thing happened in my life. There are thousands of different twists and flavors of the story but the ending is the same.

I have been single a long time now. I have been seeking the company and partnership of an intimate relationship. Reading the statistics and listening to "experts" is hardly confidence building material. I question why so many relationships fall apart. Many may have been entered into for the wrong reasons, yes - this should be examined. Maybe there is also a spiritual or energetic contract that was meant to be temporary, not permanent. The partnership fulfilled the goal and then it faded away, no fault, we simply did not understand the deeper reasons. Then again, I wonder about the role of Purpose.

When two people are united by a common goal or dream, it can be a glue that cements them more firmly. It gives each a reason to set aside their own petty irritations. The couple feel that they are headed in the same direction. There will be trade-offs and challenges, but the thrill of accomplishment will be shared by both equally. A purpose allows the opportunity for shared discussion, dreams and efforts. My question to myself is this possible later in life? What would that look like?

If a relationship between individuals is entered into with just companionship as a goal, I wonder if this is enough. If both people have separate careers, hobbies, friends and lifestyles and they decide to make a home together, what are the chances of survival? If the shared goal is finite, like creating a not-for-profit business or building a community center, it seems to me that the partnership would likely have an ending.

Could a spiritual path towards Enlightenment serve as Purpose? Could two people support each other's journey no matter where that road might take them? On this Earth there is no completion. Would each recognize their role as mirror to each other. Could each see themselves reflected in their partner? Relationship can serve as a barometer of our evolution. Are we able to stay centered and calm in relative to another's upset? Can we be compassionate without taking on our partners tribulations? Are we able to open and accept fully the love and adoration of our companion? Can we give without any expectation or conditions? Are we able to take responsibility for our own happiness and support our partner's path even if it takes them out of the relationship? That situation would certainly give us an indication of our progress. Forgiveness is ultimately not a factor in this arrangement because on a higher level we know that there is no right or wrong; our soul has arranged conditions that promote our growth and move us closer to our connection to Source. There is no forgiveness since there is no infraction. It is better to observe who we are choosing to be in light of any imagined transgression.

Do I think a relationship based on the purpose of spiritual growth would be all roses and wine? No. I imagine a commitment to a purpose higher than what I can conceive at this time. I imagine loving someone deeper and more intensely than I ever knew possible. I expect that I will shed tears as I face the boundaries of the constructs I have built over the course of my life. There will be times when I am forced to question everything I have ever learned or concluded about who I am. Occasions when I have been pushed way out of my comfort zone, I have grown exponentially. This could not happen in arenas where everything flows smoothly. On the flip side, I know in my heart that this type of communion with another would deliver joy, peace and blessings that would truly be heaven on earth. Is such a union possible? 

I question my term enlightenment because who of us knows what that really looks like? A better concept might be to say a path of growth and evolution based on love and mutual support. I am a seeker. The more I search to find the answers, the more I realize I know nothing. All of the beliefs I have formed, all of my self definitions, all of the paramaters I have set up for my comfort have proved to be false. I am willing to be bare and vulnerable while finding my way. Only by walking across this abyss, without knowing if I will fall, do I have any hope of pushing myself to be more. More of what? I dont know that either, not yet. Faith and Trust.  I  travel on.